I love my girlfriend for many reasons. She's the most amazing person I've ever met. She makes me feel safe. She screams the soundtrack to Dear Evan Hansen with me when we're riding in her car. But TBH, one of the main reasons I love her so much is that she's always been willing to do the dumbest activities I ask her to do with me, even before we were dating. Yes, I even got my crystals read with my partner (who was just my very close friend at the time, LOL), after forcefully suggesting it, and she still wanted to be friends with me for some reason. Weird! But what happened after this reading was something not even the psychic we visited saw coming.
Back in August of 2017, my now-girlfriend Katie, her best friend Laura, and I decided it would be fun to gallivant around Williamsburg, Brooklyn. The three of us eventually approached a tiny shop with a sign in front advertising crystal readings, tarot card readings, chakra readings. You know, the works. Because we were (and still are) impulsive 20-somethings who only believe in the occult when it tells us what we want to hear, of course we went into the damn shop.
The room we entered was small, and flies darted around everywhere. The psychic started listing off the things she could do for us: heal our broken chakras, tell us our future with tarot cards, some even more outrageous-sounding rituals that I tuned out after the first word. All we wanted was to know our future for as little money and hassle as possible (LOL), so we opted for a crystal reading, the cheapest option at a whopping 20 bucks a pop.
As we all sat down and took our turns in the hot seat with the psychic, I strangely got very nervous when it was Katie's turn. I hadn't thought anything of what this random psychic was telling us until that moment, when I was about to hear Katie's future spelled out for her. I realize now that I had gotten so nervous because I wanted to be a part of it.
You know when you feel yourself starting to fall for the person you never expected yourself to fall for? Or you start catching feelings for a person you know you shouldn't fall for, because you risk ruining your whole relationship? Yeah, it sucks, and yeah, that's where I was at with Katie at this point. I was drowning in this weird limbo where I was in awe of her, wanting to spend every waking moment with her, but I was also well-aware that clinging too much or (*gasp*) confessing my feelings could ruin our friendship. So I did what I am awfully great at: I bottled up my feelings, suffered with the feels in silent misery, and didn't say a goddamn thing.
I'm not sure how no one noticed the pain on my face that day when that psychic began spouting off Katie's future. "You'll marry a doctor and have three boys with him," she said. I'm not a doctor, I thought. "You'll be very happy with your life," she said. Not with me, I thought.
At this point, I didn't even want to hear my future because I wanted to down a couple shots and forget about the totally accurate and very real reading I just heard. But the psychic had already taken my money, and I have this problem where I like to double whatever negative emotion I'm feeling for whatever reason, so I took a seat in the chair and painted a smile on my face for this random psychic.
She put a clear crystal between my hands and told me to squeeze it tight. I did. She then told me to think of two wishes I had, but only to tell her one. I could only think of one in the moment, and you can guess what it was: If it's meant to be, I'd love for Katie and I to fall in love, I thought to myself, almost vomiting in my mouth, because literally, who says stuff like that? After having the sappiest party ever in my brain for two seconds, I remembered I needed to say a wish out loud, and I panicked. I had suddenly forgotten every word I ever learned and replaced them all with "Katie."
Eventually, I blurted out some jumbled mess about having a "project" I was working on and hoping it would come to fruition, which was really code for "I want to tell Katie how I feel and not have her reject me forever." From there, the psychic took the crystal from my hands and began tracing the creases of my palm. Here we go, I thought.
She began by listing attributes about me that she had inferred from ~the crystal~. Kind. Generous. Loving. "But you haven't had much luck in love," she said. Damn. Tea. "This is because you were cursed in a past life, by a male lover."
If my thoughts could yell, they would've screamed, "OF COURSE I WAS CURSED. WHY WOULDN'T I HAVE BEEN CURSED?" I looked around at Katie and Laura, who were utterly failing at holding back laughs. In an attempt to explain why I had been cursed — as if that was even necessary at this point — the psychic continued that I had lived several past lives, one as a painter, another as a writer, and my life before this current one as a queen. All of that sounded so esteemed. So regal. So why the hell was I a weird, broke 20-something pining after someone I thought would never love me in this life?
The psychic droned on and on about how I had apparently been in love with a man in a past life. A "terrible accident" drove us apart, and I refused to be with him after that. (Damn straight I did.) Lo and behold, because men can't bear rejection, he allegedly cursed me, saying, "You will never find love, and you will never find happiness."
Considering I had just paid a fake psychic to tell me I would die alone, I was crushed. And when she told me she could reverse the curse by opening up my heart chakras with three chakra healing sessions for $75 each, I was infuriated! I mean, how dare this fake psychic sucker me into paying her $20 for a made-up reading! How dare she tell me I'm cursed, and then do what all fake psychics do by trying to weasel more money out of me! But most importantly, how dare she not tell me my future involved Katie and I falling in love.
For a few weeks after that day, I couldn't shake the disappointment I felt. Yes, I knew none of it was real. Yes, I knew that her telling me I was cursed was a shoddy attempt at suckering more cash out of the person in the group who looked like they had the lowest self-esteem. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I wondered if she was right. And I'd be lying if I said that every time I looked at Katie after that, it was like a knife twisting in my stomach.
About three weeks after that reading, I was sleeping over at Katie's place. As it got later, we climbed into her bed. Katie took her spot on her usual side, and I climbed in on the side closest to the wall. While Katie lay asleep next to me, the words of the "curse" kept replaying over and over and over in my head. You'll never find love, and you'll never find happiness. You'll never find love and you'll never find happiness. I kept wondering how that could be true when all the happiness and love I could ever want was lying in the bed next to me.
At around 2 a.m., I remember briefly waking up with Katie lying next to me even closer. Her head was nearly touching my shoulder, her hand resting right next to mine. In a whirlwind moment that strangely feels like both a blur and the most vivid memory burned into my brain, we rested our hands on top of each other's for a while, before I felt Katie lace her hand with mine. In that moment, my heart fell out of my *ss. The girl I had been so close to — the girl I was sure would never love me back — was holding my hand. Even though I was cursed. And I didn't even have to do anything! CURSED, MY *SS, PSYCHIC.
In all honesty, I was over the moon just holding Katie's hand. As scared as I was in that moment (um, the girl of the dreams is literally holding my hand), I felt so comfortable at the same time. Holding her hand felt like I was holding the entire world. Never in a million years did I expect Katie to lean over and kiss me after that — like we were straight out of a lesbian Nicholas Sparks novel. Never in a million years did I expect we would still kiss months later. Never in a million years did I expect that after all this time, Katie had fallen in love with me, too. Never in a million years did anyone, the psychic included, see this coming.
While a crystal reading may not have told me what I wanted to hear about my future, it did teach me a lot about what I really wanted in the first place. And who knows? Maybe I am cursed. But if being cursed means I get to be in love with my best friend, instead of paying $225 to heal my chakras, I'll take the curse any day.
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