How To Tell Your Partner You Don't Like Sleeping At Their Place, Without Being A Jerk

I love my bed. Like, really love my bed. It's the perfect amount of firmness, I have the exact number of pillows I like, and my sheets have a thread count so high it's just...frankly, gratuitous. It's my oasis, which is why I dread sleeping anywhere else. Even when I'm on vacation, I get mattress-related separation anxiety. So if you're not stoked about sleeping over at your SO's place, then girl, I feel you. But here's the thing: The only way to solve this problem is by telling your partner you don’t like sleeping at their place. Nicely, of course. Nobody wants to be boudoir shamed.

In other words, it’s time to dust off those communication skills and have a grown up conversation. Adulting is annoying — especially when you haven't had a good night’s sleep in days from sleeping on your partner's busted, lumpy, straight up inferior mattress. Or because they have a roommate who thinks the best hour for blasting their music or having loud sex with their partner is all of the hours. Whatever the reason for your preference for staying at your place, you're going to have loop your SO in. Here are some tips for telling them you're not about sleeping at their place, without it getting awkward AF.

1Keep It Real

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Chances are this conversation is going to come about after weeks (or months) of you deftly dodging overnight stays at their place, or at least trying to. When it reaches the point that either they've noticed or you've decided your sleepovers at their place are coming to an end, then it's time to let your SO know how you're feeling. Explain to them what the issue is, and why you'd like to stop or limit the amount of time you spend (trying to) sleep over at their place.

2Keep It Positive

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Maybe in your head you're thinking, "I'm never staying in your nasty room that smells like 100 feet farted again," but maybe hold back on that and come from a more positive perspective. Focus on things like how much you love cuddling and waking up in their arms in the morning, but that you just get a lot more rest in your own bed. You don’t have to insult them or be overly negative to communicate your needs.

3Offer To Make Your Place More SO Friendly

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Another way to keep the conversation positive is by prioritizing their needs by offering to make your place more inviting and comfortable for them. Find out what their ideal sleeping situation is and make tweaks to your bed that will make them feel more at home. It may be that they just want to have certain things like a change of clothes or toiletries at your place, and, if so, make some room for them to store things!

Also, have a game plan for how to improve the situation at their place so that that staying over can be more enjoyable for you. It's possible that just by making some changes, you'll be more open to slumber parties away from home.

4Be Open To Compromise

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Here's the thing. You may not be able to avoid staying at their place forever. There will probably be times when it just makes more sense to not schlep back to your house late at night. So unless it’s an issue of your safety and wellbeing, try to open to some compromises within boundaries. Like, maybe you stay at their place once a week or every third night. Whatever each of you is most comfortable with.

At the end of the day, like basically every negotiation you have in a relationship, it’s about mutual respect. You respect them enough to be honest and kind, and they respect that this is something that's important to you. See, not so bad after all, right?

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