How Often Should You Sleep Over When You’re Dating Someone New? It Depends
Although you're probably excited to spend as much time as possible with your new bae, staying over every night is not a great way to kick things off. New relationships can be tough to navigate for a few reasons. Things can be especially tricky if you're still getting to know your partner and haven’t explicitly spoken about where you stand. However, if you find yourself sleeping over their place every night and wondering whether or not it’s “OK,” you might be thinking: How often should you sleep over when you’re dating someone new? I spoke with two relationship experts to find out.
“I am not a fan of hard and fast rules about when or how often you should sleep over with someone,” Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples’ therapist in Los Angeles, tells Elite Daily. “What I do recommend is to try and get a sense of what you want and what your new love interest wants.” Basically, the best way to approach this situation is to have an open discussion with your partner about how often you'd both like to spend the night together, and come to a solution that’s respectful of both of your preferences. Consider class and work schedules, the possibility of roommates and shared living spaces, and the need to spend some time apart every now and then. Don't forget you had a life and friends before this new person came along.
Additionally, it’s important to remember that spending too much time together during the honeymoon phase can sometimes result in burnout. “It is certainly true that you can fall too hard, too fast and become attached at the hip long before you actually know if the two of you are truly compatible,” says Brown. “It’s fine to be romantically involved, so long as your judgment is not being clouded by incredible chemistry.”
“If you start hot and heavy, then once you get out of the honeymoon stage, pulling back can have the relationship fizzle out quickly,” Stef Safran, dating expert and matchmaker at Stef and the City, tells Elite Daily. “Think about your long-term goals with this new person.” Safran suggests that instead of spending every night together, you spend more time doing activities that are conducive to getting to know each other better. Go on dates, have conversations about your values and beliefs, hang out with your friends, and really think about whether or not you have long-term potential. “Great sexual chemistry is nice, but it doesn't let you know if you are compatible,” says Safran. “Spending too much time together can have you neglect your friendships, work and your hobbies.”
It’s safe to say no one wants to neglect the things that are important to them because of a new partner. That’s why it’s important to make sure you’re organizing your schedule in a way that feels right for you. “The easiest way to deal with things is set up boundaries from the beginning,” says Safran, recommending you might want to limit the amount of nights you spend at a new bae’s place to one or two nights a week, “until a longer and more exclusive relationship is established.” This is, of course, ultimately your call. Just make sure that whatever choice you make is one that makes the most sense for you.
Ultimately, it’s all too easy to get excited about a new lover and want to spend every waking moment together. But don’t forget to think about how this attachment could be affecting other areas of your life. “There’s an old saying that says ‘Follow your heart,’” says Dr. Brown. “I would modify that to read, ‘Follow you heart, and bring your brain with you.’” Amen to that.
Additional reporting by Veronica Lopez.
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