How Often Should You Sleep Over When You’re Dating Someone New? It Depends
Although you're probably excited to spend as much time as possible with your new bae, staying over every night is not a great way to kick things off. New relationships can be tough to navigate for a few reasons. Suddenly, you have to think about things like how to tell if you're really compatible, when you should introduce your partner to your parents, and how often you should spend the night together. Doing too much too soon can put a strain on your relationship if one or both people feel like they've lost all personal time and space.
Things are especially tricky since you're still getting to know your partner, which means that after a night out together you probably find yourself wondering what guys think it means if you don't spend the night or what girls think the first time they stay over.
As your new relationship progresses, it's important to maintain healthy boundaries. No one likes an over-attached partner and no one wants to be dubbed a stage-five clinger, either. That's why the best way to approach this situation is to have an open discussion with your partner about how often you'd both ideally like to spend the night together. Consider class and work schedules, the possibility of roommates and shared living spaces, and the obvious need to spend some time apart every now and then. Don't forget you had a life and friends before your partner came along.
According to Reddit, most people agree that staying over at your partner's place once a week is sufficient in a new relationship. This is just enough time to introduce them to your favorite Netflix show and try out that new sex position you read about that's sure to give you mind-blowing orgasms. Of course, as things progress, you might feel comfortable spending two to three nights with them every week.
Staying the night at your partner's house isn't just about comfort levels, though. It turns out that factors like how far apart you and your partner live also affect this decision.
Here's what Redditors had to say about the debate.
This person recommends taking things slow for a few months.
Depends how new. New new? Once a week. A few months in? Every other night. Try not to break 50% unless you’re really moving in together though.
This person definitely won't stay over until they've defined the relationship, which is fair.
If it's just dating I'll try not to stay over at all.
When you do stay over, it's important to share the burden of the commute.
My girlfriend is about 40 minutes from me by public transport. I drive, she doesn't. 15 minutes if I meet her. We are both busy with study so we see each at uni or once a week. Haven't stayed over much yet.
This person is all about personal space and TBH, so am I.
Depends how close you live. If you have to travel far then maybe 3 at most. If you live close id say just 1. Especially if it's a new relationship, you don't want to come across clingy or needy. Give the person some space :D
It's not just about you and your partner.
Do they have a roommate? One. Otherwise, so whatever, but remember you have your own home/bills/etc.
This person agrees — think about the roommates!
Yeah I've had some serious issues with roommates' SOs. It's kind of a pain in the butt to have a surprise 3rd roommate who contributes nothing but feels totally at home. It's a different story when they act as a guest and occasionally do some stuff around the house. I had a friend who's girlfriend would bring cookies, occasionally cook dinner, and tidy up. It wasn't so much the benefits but rather the sentiment. To answer OPs question, I'm pretty sure it's all situational. However, it's good to consider everyone's feelings when it comes to cohabitation.
Set boundaries and don't forget who you are when you're not with your partner.
Once a week, and in the morning don't hang out longer than it seems appropriate. Don't take it too fast. You want to keep your own life prioritized.
Even when things between you and your partner get more serious, it's still a good idea to adhere to some mutually agreed upon rules when it comes to sleepovers. These Redditors explain how it works for them.
Whatever it is, make sure that you're happy with your current arrangement.
My SO lives about 10 minutes from me when the traffic is normal. 15 minutes with heavy traffic. We see each other and have a sleepover maybe 2x/week. I like it that way.
Remember that not every situation is ideal.
My GF lives about 45min away from me, which is about 25mi in Portland. We see each other one day a week, since she works a 4-10 week and I work a 5-8. We've survived for almost 4 years, but I feel like I spend most of my evenings missing her.
And every relationship is different.
We see each other about 5 times a week, once of sleeps over about once every two or three weeks. We're pretty happy with that.
Do what's best for you and your partner.
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