How Often Should Your Partner Sleep Over If You Have Roommates? An Expert Explains
There’s nothing like a sleepover with your SO to help you survive the stress of studying for that econ exam or prepping for that work presentation — in fact, it’s often the highlight during a hectic week. Whether you two are snuggling up early to binge watch House of Cards or sleeping in to whip up an epic three-course brunch, that QT is so key to making your relationship thrive. But unless you happen to live solo, there’s another party to consider in planning those romantic nights in: your roomie(s). So, should your partner sleep over if you have roommates? If you had it your way, bae would be coming over four to five nights a week. But is there a way to keep the slumber parties alive without pissing your roomies off?
“It’s important to think about your roommates in terms of figuring out the frequency your partner should sleep over,” Fran Greene, flirting, dating, and relationship coach and author of Dating Again With Courage And Confidence, tells Elite Daily. “After all, it’s not your partner’s crashing pad!” Having a sleepover guest disrupts the vibe and routine of your roommates. It adds noise, bathroom sharing and impacts their privacy. Most importantly, your roommate did not sign up to live with both you and your significant other.”
No matter how understanding or easygoing your roommates are, it’s safe to say that it is possible to have too much of a good thing where your SO sleeping over is concerned. But how much is too much? Naturally, that will depend on your roommate’s lifestyle, routine, and comfort level, as well as your living situation. For example, if you only have one bathroom and a tiny kitchen or living room, they’re more likely to get irritated by your SO’s constant presence because it will impact them more. On the other hand, if they’re working constantly and hardly ever home, or if you live in a super spacious apartment, they may not notice or care as much if your boo is hanging around a lot.
That said, according to Greene, a reasonable frequency to have your partner sleep over is about once or twice a week. If you’re eager to have your boo spend the night more often, that’s something you’ll definitely want to run by your roomie(s). They may not feel comfortable enough confronting you about how it’s proving problematic for them, so it’s up to you to make sure they’re not being severely inconvenienced by these slumber parties.
“If you have not discussed having partner’s sleepovers from the get-go, it’s time to have a heart to heart,” explains Greene.
So if you’re not clear on what’s an acceptable frequency for your boo to stay over, the best way to ensure you’re on the same page is to simply open up an honest conversation about it. But instead of asking how often is OK with your roomie, Greene advises simply telling them what’s ideal for you and seeing how they feel about it.
“It’s best to ask for more — so you will be OK with less,” she says. “For example, if your dream is for your partner to stay over Friday, Saturday and Sunday but you’d be fine with just two nights, still ask for all three and be happy with whatever feels okay for your roommate.”
The last thing you want to do is trigger any annoyance or resentment from your roomies. After all, you have to share a space, and keeping the peace is so key to maintaining an overall positive vibe. You may want to play it safe by sticking to one or two sleepovers a week with your SO, as this is unlikely to negatively affect your roommates in any noticeable way. If once or twice a week isn’t going to cut it, you might switch off and stay at their place here and there as well, to give your roomies a break. Of course, you can always open up a discussion with your roommates about having your partner over more often to gauge their feelings on the idea. Remember: Quality time with bae is crucial, but so is your relationship with the people you share a home with. Luckily, it’s totally possible to get your sleepover fix without getting on your roomie’s nerves — as long as you set some clear boundaries, stick to them, and respect each other.