How To Feel Confident On Dating Apps If They're A Little Intimidating At First
If you've recently decided to give online dating a try, then there's no doubt you've probably already downloaded a few dating apps to get started. First off, don't be nervous! Dating apps can be totally overwhelming at first, and rest assured you're far from the only one who's ever felt confused about how to work it online. How to feel confident on dating apps often starts with taking the time to zero in on your specific concerns and then addressing them.
"If you’re new to using dating apps, there are so many questions that you may have," dating and relationship writer Demetrius Figueroa tells Elite Daily. "What’s an appropriate thing to say in a first message? What should you put on your profile? How long should you wait between messaging and meeting someone? Dating apps are a relatively new part of dating, and it’s perfectly normal to be a bit intimidated by it all."
Fortunately, the "right" answers to those questions may be slightly different for everyone and part of the fun is getting creative with how you choose to present yourself. If you want to feel more confident on dating apps, here are some tips that can help put things into perspective.
1. Join apps that are in-line with what you're looking for.
"When you're deciding what apps to join, do a little research to figure out which app is right for you," Philadelphia-based matchmaker at Three Day Rule, Lauren Ladd tells Elite Daily "There might be one out there that caters better to the kind of relationship you want to have or person you're looking to meet, and choosing the right one will help make it a fun experience, like it's meant to be."
2. Know the rules.
A good way to keep yourself from feeling insecure is to realize that dating apps are pretty straightforward as long as you know the basics. "There are three basic rules for using dating apps," says Figueroa. "Fill out your profile, including multiple recent pictures of you, and send messages that are respectful and invite a response. I know it sounds too simple to be true, but it is." Figueroa also recommends avoiding messages like "hi" or "hey" because these openers rarely lead to a response, let alone a conversation.
2. Don't become rule obsessed.
Now that you know the three basic rules, try not to become too focused on fool-proof ways to succeed with everyone, because, unfortunately, there aren't any. "There is no magic bullet, secret conversation starter, or 100 percent no-fail pickup trick that works," dating coach and owner of ProfileHelper.com, Eric Resnick tells Elite Daily. "Stop looking at online dating as a hunt or an opportunity to sell someone on you. It's just a way to meet someone new. Don't give it so much power in your life and it won't feel as intimidating."
3. Evaluate why you swipe on certain people.
"A lot of our failure on dating apps (and the insecurity that comes with it) comes from indiscriminate swiping," warns Resnick. "When we treat dating like a number's game, we inflate our failure rate."
In the beginning, it may be totally tempting to go for quantity and swipe on everyone for the thrill of knowing that there are people who find you attractive. According to Resnick, however, swiping more selectively tends to yield better results.
"Don't swipe so fast! Take a beat and look over someone's complete profile. Are you just swiping because they are cute? That's usually not enough," says Resnick.
4. Try not to let rejection get you down.
Unfortunately, dating apps also come with the possibility of rejection. Both Ladd and Figueroa urge daters to not read into rejection too much, because it just comes with the territory.
"Don't take it personally," says Ladd. "The way someone swipes is in no way a reflection of you — you could be the best, funniest and most amazing person, but for better or worse, nobody can possibly know or appreciate the real you by looking at your profile for a few seconds."
Even though we can't be everyone's physical type, not getting approval from the people we're most interested in can still hurt. To help deal, Figueroa suggests adjusting your outlook on things. "Dating apps may be new, but romantic interactions between people are as old humanity," says Figueroa. "You should feel confident knowing that whatever successes or failures you may have in dating, using dating apps has less to do with dating apps themselves and more to do with the fact that not every romantic interaction with a person works out."
At the end of the day, all you can do is be patient and have as much fun with the process as you can. It might sound cliché, but I really do believe that there are multiple people out there for everyone, and eventually you're going to find someone you click with.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!