Every couple fights, and every couple fights differently. As long as it's healthy and non-toxic, fighting in a relationship is completely normal. But, after you and your significant other have a fight, what do you do? How do you move past it? How often should you text your partner after fighting? Well, it depends on a lot of factors, but one expert recommends thoughtful communication.
But what does that even mean? After a fight, you or your partner might just want to be alone for a while, and that's fine. "It is completely normal for you or your partner to need space after a fight," Kali Rogers, founder of Blush Online Life Coaching, tells Elite Daily. "Time can bring so much positivity to after-fight hangovers. It can help you gain perspective, get clear on how you feel, reduce defensiveness tendencies, practice how you’d like to articulate an apology or a feeling, and most importantly, time helps calm the nervous system and get your mind and body back to equilibrium."
Even if your fight was terrible, and you are super angry, Rogers recommends continuing the conversation — but maybe not right away. "Of course it’s not recommended that you go completely off the grid after a fight," she explains. "Texting each other can bring back a state of normalcy to the relationship. It can act as a repair to whatever fight occurred and help you two get back into your daily rhythm. It’s best to use text for positive messages only — negative messages can be read in the wrong tone or escalate a fight even more." So, do refrain from sending bae any passive-aggressive jabs over text after your fight. Take some time and space and let the anger subside. Then, don't be afraid to reach out when you feel like you can have a civilized conversation.
"It’s best to wait until you can think or talk about the fight without slipping back into emotional flooding," Rogers says. "Emotional flooding happens whenever your heart starts to race, tone or volume of voice changes, your thoughts start to accelerate, and your defensive tactics skyrocket," Rogers explains. "If you can wait until you are at peace with yourself, the fight, and your partner, that is your best bet."
What exactly you say, or when or how you say it, is completely up to you. Just remember that fighting is normal, Rogers emphasizes. No matter how fights happen, they happen. Nothing is wrong with you or your relationship if you fight. "Don’t judge a relationship by the fighting, judge a relationship by the way you two recover and work together to reduce the frequency and/or escalation of the fights," Rogers says.
Text your partner after a fight to keep the lines of communication open, as Rogers says. But make sure you're in a good place before you do so, and don't bring up issues from the fight via text. You both deserve time to breathe and work things out, either over text or in person.