Recently, I saw an ad on the subway that said, "Reading about your work is like reading about sex." I was so baffled by the ad that I actually LOL'd on the train and people definitely stared. But I couldn't help it! The ad was so... false. Reading about sex (and your job, for that matter) can actually benefit you a lot! And this is because, when you're curious about how to manifest better sex in your life, it's all about getting to know your body and what you like.
According to Kate Moyle, sexual & relationship psychotherapist, if you want to invite better sex into your life, you can start by taking your pleasure into your own hands (pun intended). "A healthy sex life comes in all different shapes and sizes, and you don’t have to be in a relationship to experience pleasure," she says.
Masturbation, sex, research, workshops, and communication are all tools that help you get to know your sexuality and what works for you. For example, if you're interested in new masturbation techniques, you could potentially research a sex toy that sounds intriguing. Or you could sign up for a workshop on a specific sex technique that you've been wanting to try. Whatever your goals are, there are ways to make them happen. If you're interested in manifesting great sex into your life and into your bedroom, consider the following tips.
"Self-exploration in terms of touch, imagination, watching others, and reading will help you understand what you like sexually," Moyle says. She also adds that if you understand what you want when it comes to sex and sexual pleasure, it will be that much easier to communicate it to a partner.
When it comes to manifesting great sex, Moyle stresses that you don't need to be with a partner to experience sexual pleasure. The more you explore what sort of masturbation you like, the better your overall sex life will be. You can explore solo pleasure by stimulating different parts of your body, watching porn, using different toys and more! It's all about what feels good for you.
"Great sex starts with great communication," says Moyle. "Don’t be afraid to show each other what you like by doing things like guiding each other’s touch." Moyle explains that you should try to refrain from assuming you know what your partner is thinking. There's nothing wrong with communicating about sex, and it doesn't mean anything is specifically going poorly. It can also be really hot to talk to a partner about what you want and what you're into!
"Openly communicating about your likes, dislikes and desires is really positive for your sex life and moving things forward," she explains. The conversation can start small too, if you're nervous about initiating a conversation like this. For instance, you can start by complimenting a partner on things they do well first. Then once you are discussing things that work for both of you, you can ask for things you want more of as well. Keep in mind, though, that you should always feel comfortable telling someone you don't want something. And that it's always your right to ask someone to stop at any point during sex.
"Sex is something that is often assumed to just happen on its own or something that happens 'to' each other," says Moyle. If you're in a place where you want to improve your sex life, there may be other factors distracting you in the bedroom. This could be anything from work stress to insecurity to pain old distraction. According to Moyle, it's important to practice mindfulness during sex to make sure you're focused on what's happening in the moment.
"Follow what feels good for you rather than doing what you think you ‘should’ be doing." For instance, if climaxing is a challenge for you during sex, it's totally OK to give yourself permission to enjoy sex without an orgasm. Sometimes that's how they end up happening on their own. "The best sex we have is when we are fully in the moment and not thinking about anything else apart from what we’re doing," says Moyle. The more you stay present and enjoy how things feel, the less pressure you are putting on your body to do what you think it should.
According to Moyle, if you're responsible for understanding what feels good to you, you are more likely to have a positive sexual experience. Even if you think you know what you need to know about sex, it never hurts to do some research on a new technique. This research could even be about techniques on giving someone else pleasure. The more you research and learn, the more you will be able to apply your new knowledge to your own life.
When it comes to manifesting better sex into your life, it's awesome to know that you can start with yourself. And, whether you're single or partnered, there's always room in the bedroom for more pleasure.
