If you're not currently in a long-term relationship or partaking in cuffing season, you might feel like you're living your best life. Beyond your family's annoying questions about your dating life during the holidays, you could be really feeling your singledom right now. While being single can make you feel totally #blessed, rolling solo may also come with some feelings of stress, anxiety, or other worrisome emotions. Does being single make you anxious? If so, you're not alone.
Whether you're single by choice or are actively dating and having a tough time locking down a keeper, being unattached can have its ups and downs. Even when everyone around you seems to be turning into a "we," being on your own comes with some sometimes-underrated benefits. For example, a you have more time to spend with your friends, you can flirt your heart out with people you meet, you can choose which Netflix show to watch before heading to bed — ahem, Gossip Girl for the third time — and you can pretty much be on your own schedule. But for some, the freedoms of being single also come with some apprehension and discontent.
Even if you're not coupled up, remember that you don't need an SO to be the best version of yourself. But if being single makes you feel a little uneasy or possibly even anxious, some solidarity might help. I spoke with ten women who anonymously revealed what makes them feel anxious about being single.
I'm creeping up on 28 and have never had a serious relationship. So, yeah, I get anxious sometimes — a lot more often than I’d like to admit. I’ve always put my career before dating, so I worry that I’m going to end up like the stereotypical rom-com woman: successful in her career, but destined to be a lonely cat lady (or dog lady, in my case) forever.
I think I’m most anxious about not finding 'the one' by the time I’m ready to have a family. I always thought that by age 26 I’d have already met the one. Now, it feels like the clock is ticking ... I keep seeing more people in my younger sister’s class get married and the ones from my class are all married and on their second kid.
Being single makes me anxious around the holidays. Being the only single person without a plus-one for my company dinner is beyond awkward.
I’ve always wanted a family, so after ending a long relationship I was in, I was anxious that I’d never have a family. But the main thing was getting annoyed of friends and family asking when I was going to settle down.
Being single doesn’t make me anxious, but sometimes I feel worried I won’t meet someone. A lot of it has to do with social media and the 'grass is always greener' mentality.
I actually am more worried what everyone else thinks about me being single at age 29! Like, will they think I’m pathetic or assume I’m sad? It doesn’t actually bother me because I know the right guy will show up when I’m truly ready, but I’m just always prepared to tell people why I’m still single. I feel like it makes people uncomfortable.
I’m not anxious about being single, but I get super anxious by the idea of going on a date. I have been burned too many times to feel comfortable putting myself out there over and over again. It’s become scary, and actually feels more like a waste of time. I also feel anxiety about not liking anyone enough to even go out with, so sometimes pushing myself to do it causes that anxiousness.
I'm not anxious about being single, but I am anxious about people’s opinions and being looked at as different. Like, when a topic of conversation includes talking about everyone’s SO and I’m just like, “Ummm...” It bothers me that people are probably making assumptions about me being lonely, difficult, or desperate when really, I’m just single.
I’ve gotta say that recently, it’s been the opposite. I’ve grown so much and am really enjoying getting to know myself. I recently turned down someone great because the anxiety of being accountable to another human isn’t for me yet. I just learned how to be accountable to myself.
Being a party of one can create some feelings of anxiousness for a variety of reasons. It's OK to have your sights set on settling down, but it's also more than acceptable to enjoy your freedom. In fact, go ahead and celebrate your singledom because you never know how long it'll last. If you're feeling less-than-settled about not being settled down, think about spending some QT with your besties, focusing on self-care, or doing something you've always wanted to do. Have you been itching to travel, learn a new language, or run a marathon? Why not now?
There's nothing wrong with being single, ladies. This is a time to enjoy yourself and focus on you. Keep your head up, keep your heart open, and maybe keep some responses in your back pocket for when friends and family ask you why you're still solo. Keep doing you, and embrace every minute of it.
