#SingleForLife: 50 Thoughts Every Happily Single Girl Has During Cuffing Season
Ah, it’s fall again. The time of year where the air is crisp, the concoction of caramel and pumpkin is afloat and the leaves are beginning to change.
There’s another thing that comes along with this wonderful interim between those stifling days of summer and bitter snows of winter; something other than Halloween, cozy sweaters and apple picking.
What am I referring to, you may ask? Cuffing season. Fall is also the time of year when people start to realize that those wild sexual escapades of summers passed are no more, but will instead be replaced with Netflix and Seamless.
For whatever reason, this is the time when panic sets in and everyone decides to couple up, desperate not to spend the dragging, freezing months ahead, alone, with last night’s Chinese food.
But, believe it or not, not every girl is looking to find a hubby and kick those single girl days to the curb. There are some girls who aren’t willing to change their relationship status just because they’ve flipped their calendars. Some women prefer to be hauled up in bed with hard cider and their boyfriend, Lip Gallagher.
It can be tough for certain wifed-up friends to understand this mentality -- how on earth can you be happy when you’re alone, right?
Here are 50 thoughts that go through every happily single girl’s mind during cuffing season.
1. Why does every single person have a boyfriend right now?
2. Am I insane?
3. Do I want a boyfriend?
4. Ew, no, I definitely do not want a boyfriend.
5. Why would I want to share my take out?
6. If I had a boyfriend, I would have to shave my legs.
7. No, I do not want you to set me up with your boyfriend’s cute friend from college, [insert name of concerned friend].
8. Trying to go on a date sounds about as exciting as brushing my teeth with candle wax.
9. Can’t I just drink my Pumpkin Spice Latte in peace?
10. No man is going to watch “Downton” with me, which basically makes every man unappealing to me.
11. You realize it’s football season, right?
12. I’m not looking to spend any of my time watching sports, okay?
13. Why are all these thirsty boys after a relationship right now?
14. I should just delete all of my social media accounts.
15. Can I hibernate like a bear all winter to avoid this sh*t?
16. If my coworker asks me if I have a boyfriend one more time, I may stab her with a fork.
17. My mom keeps asking me if I’m bringing anyone home for Christmas.
18. Why would I ever want to share my family?
19. I would never want to introduce anyone to my crazy family.
20. I love my family.
21. No one would ever fit in with my family because they’re too “unique.”
22. I am not going to have anyone to buy me presents this year.
23. I’m not going to have to spend any money on presents for my boyfriend this year.
24. I like saving money.
25. My grandma just called to ask if I’m giving her grandchildren soon.
26. I’m 23 years old, and the only men I want in my life are Ben and Jerry.
27. I have so much work to do, I could not possibly manage a relationship with this much to do.
28. All of these couples all over social media make me want to throw up.
29. The idea of PDA in any form makes my skin crawl.
30. I don’t need a boyfriend because I’m married to my job.
31. Literally everyone is asking to set me up.
32. How do you say, “I would rather stick a rusty nail through my hand,” in a nice way?
33. Men are so unmanageable. They’re like cats.
34. I hate cats.
35. There are honestly no hot, single guys in this city, so why even bother looking?
36. I’m basically married to my best friend, anyway.
37. All the hot guys are gay.
38. I have way more fun going out with my friends than any man.
39. Who would I explain my “inexplicable pointing” dance moves to?
40. No one is as cool as me.
41. I’m choosing to be single because no one is good enough for me, and I accept that.
42. I’m only 23 years old; if I get in a relationship now, I will have serious FOMO.
43. These are the best years of my life.
44. I don’t even know myself yet.
45. I have too many episodes of "The Mindy Project" and "Master Chef" on my queue to bring anyone else into this life of mine.
46. I’m genuinely happy, and I wish my friends could see that.
47. I don’t need anyone but myself to have happiness.
48. I think I should go on vacation with myself because I’m the best travel companion.
49. The only way I’ll find a boyfriend is if he likes constantly talking about my favorite subjects.
50. My favorite subject is me. Clearly.
Photo Courtesy: Tumblr