Amy Schumer Spent Her Honeymoon Eating Pasta & Getting Drunk, So I'm Officially Jealous

by Karen Ruffini
Noam Galai/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

If there was any time that I'd like to trade lives and be Amy Schumer, I'd say now would be it. Actually, I'd say to rewind back to the time when she was on her honeymoon, because it sounds like she lived out my actual dream touring around Italy with her new husband, chef Chris Fischer. Folks, get ready to be officially jealous, because Amy Schumer's honeymoon was all about eating pasta and getting drunk, and now do you understand me when I tell you that I'd like to trade lives with the actress?

On April 9, Schumer visited The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and was asked whether or not she was too busy to have went on a honeymoon. Schumer said, "I had nothing going on, honestly. Because I worked so hard, and then I got sick, so I'm not doing that anymore ... So, now I'm just not really working hard."

I beg to differ, since the girl is doing all kinds of amazing things, but it's nice to hear that she did in fact take the time to honeymoon in Italy with her husband, who had to work in various parts of the country (rough life).

She told Colbert,

He’s a chef, so he was cooking in Sonoma at Scribe Vineyards. So I followed him there. And then he was cooking at a festival in Milan, and I heard that they invented pasta and wine. So I’ve just been kind of following him around getting drunk.

So basically, she got to carb it up and drink nectar of the Gods 24/7.

God, I want to book a one-way trip to Italy so bad right now.

Colbert asked Schumer if she did the whole "pasta and wine" thing. She responded in the best way possible, saying, "Very much so. Kind of almost every night. You know actresses say ‘I love cheeseburgers?’ I’m what you look like if you have pasta and wine,” Schumer joked.

You can watch the whole thing here, but I'm warning you, it WILL make you feel things... mainly hunger.

But it's no surprise that Schumer's absolutely loving married life, and in an interview on Nikki Glaser's SiriumXM Radio show, You Up with Nikki Glaser, she talks about how awesome it feels to be a wife. "It feels f*cking good!" she told Glaser. "I'm a wife as hell. But it's still like, a novelty."

The actress also told Glaser that even after getting married, she and her husband were excited to use the term "husband" and "wife," and that the novelty hasn't worn off just yet. She said,

Somebody went to sit next to [Chris] and he's like, ‘My wife is sitting here,' and then I got back and he was excited to tell me that he said that. I just have been really overusing it to a degree that's insane. Like, when it's completely uncalled for.

Ah, newlyweds still in the honeymoon stage of things. So precious.

She also revealed that getting married as quickly as they did was simply what worked best for their relationship. "Part of the thing that's good about us getting married so quickly," Schumer said, "is that we're so in love. Every girl I know, if they get proposed to they're like, ‘Oh now? Now that I can't have kids!'"

I don't just love Amy Schumer, I love Amy Schumer.

While their engagement period wasn't long, it seems like it just didn't matter. You can't slow down true love, people!

BFF Jennifer Lawrence spoke with Entertainment Tonight about all the details of Schumer's wedding, calling it "sudden," but lovely nonetheless. Lawrence said,

It was beautiful. It was very sudden, but it was, I was sobbing the whole — his vows were stunning. It's when two people really love each other and they really mean it, it shows, and it was a beautiful ceremony and an amazing time. I couldn't be happier for them.

J. Law couldn't be any happier for Amy Schumer — and neither can I.

Cheers, Amy. I'll be chugging wine and eating pasta tonight as a toast to you, girl. Well, I was going to do that anyway, but now I have a good reason to do so. Appreciate it!