Whether you pen a heartwarming post or drop an "I'm queer" meme, there is no wrong way to come out online or on social media. Still, if you're thinking about expressing yourself digitally, these nine tips for coming out online may really come in handy.
"It can be appealing to come out online, knowing you'll get your message across to everyone you care about at the same time, near-instantly," Marissa LaRocca, award-winning writer, speaker, and LGBTQ+ activist, tells Elite Daily. "Some individuals might choose to come out online to a few close friends as a 'test' to build the courage to then come out in person to family members."
Though coming out looks different for everyone, opening up online can be an efficient and comprehensive way to express who you are. For McKenna Maness, sex educator and former Education and Prevention Coordinator at The Santa Cruz AIDS Project (SCAP), posting online made coming out a quicker and less nerve-wracking process. "It was much scarier to constantly have to come out to people IRL," Maness says. "I don't think I was scared to post because I was in such a moment of 'This is me.'"
As Stephenson shares, coming out online may open yourself up to some unwanted comments or attention. Though it's never OK for someone to make you feel unsafe or ashamed for being yourself (and there are resources out there for you), LaRocca attests it's essential to understand that some people just may not get it.
"Some people just won't have the capacity to be supportive or loving toward you, and that's OK," LaRocca says. "Remind yourself that everyone is at a different level when it comes to their own psychological, emotional, and spiritual development. More than likely, people like this struggle to love themselves, or they are hiding pieces of themselves and envy you for having the courage to reveal your truth."
While it may feel good to educate your friends and family, you also don't need to feel solely responsible for their learning. You never need to hide or feel shame about being who you are. If people don't really get it or aren't supportive or loving to you, it's OK to give them a big "thank u, next."
But you need to prioritize your safety and well-being.
Let me preface by saying that you are a flawless angel and the world is a better place with you in it. Still, if you're thinking about coming out online, LaRocca shares the importance of prioritizing your physical and emotional well-being. "We all want to come out and receive nothing but support and encouragement and rainbows and butterflies," LaRocca says. "But let's be real, you could be met with a few responses that will feel hurtful or damaging to you. So just be prepared."
LaRocca attests that while it's important to come out in whatever way feels right for you, having an IRL plan regarding your mental health (i.e., having a friend to call if you're feeling low or arranging for a place to stay if your family isn't making you feel welcome) can make you feel more supported. "Never, ever put yourself in harm's way," LaRocca says. "Prioritize your own peace, safety, and sanity."
Remember you and your identity are valid, no matter what.
From my own experience, I know that seeing a ton of other amazing queer people be out on the internet can be super empowering and encouraging. However, it also can make you feel like you're not "queer enough" if you're not publicly out and posting about your identity. Remember: You get to come out on your own timeline and you get to post (or not post) about your identity however you want. Whether you like to share about your gender or sexuality every day or you prefer to keep things a bit more private, you and your identity are valid. Being "out" on the internet means doing whatever feels right for you.
Whether you share your story on a blog or use social media to tell your friends and family, your identity is yours. You get to decide how to express it. If you're feeling ready to come out on the internet, try doing some nice things for yourself IRL, before and after. From taking a bath to calling a friend, having a support system in place may help you feel loved and cared for. Of course, you get to choose who you tell, as well as what, where, and how you tell them. When it comes to coming out online, you get to decide how to keep everyone posted.