Making friends is one of the very first social things we're taught, and we continue to do it throughout different stages of our lives. The idea of not having your ride or dies by your side, experiencing life together, is beyond tormenting. And if you find yourself having to cut ties with a friend for one reason or another, your feelings are inevitably all over the place. Unfortunately, there is no step-by-step guide or newsletter that tells you the things to know about cutting a friend loose for the first time.
The circumstances vary within each friendship, and during the time that you are letting a friend go, everything can feel like a total bummer. I'm not going to lie — most of it is, but if you're willing to look on the positive side, you gain something not-so-crummy out of this grueling process.
It's all new territory to you, and letting a friend go will completely shatter the beloved idea that all friendships are meant to last forever. It's devastating AF, but once you're clued in on these eight realities, you won't feel so obliged to only dwell on the agonizing parts of the whole situation. Chin up, girlfriend — what is meant to be, will be.
No one likes to think that someone you've grown to know as a close friend, really just isn't good for you. Like shoes, it's likely that you have just outgrown this friend, or maybe there's too much drama and toxic vibes whenever you hang out with them. Either way, the decision is what's best for you in the long run, so stick to it.
Clearly, you aren't someone who just wants to end friendships to make yourself feel bad. This person needed to go for a reason, and you made the mature decision to show them the back door. Learning to validate what and who deserves to be in your life and part of your human experience is the best kind of growth — self-growth.
It would be naive to think that letting go of a friend won't ever happen again. Of course, don't go clutching onto every friend you have out of fear that things are just going to all of a sudden end. You'll know if things really just aren't meant to be, because it's rare and noticeable — but it is likely to happen more than once.
It's easy to say that the ending of this friendship is your fault, because you're taking the initiative to end it. That couldn't be any further from the truth.
The friendship is coming to a close for a combination of reasons that you have probably recounted mentally over and over again. Blaming yourself doesn't make the situation any easier, so don't do it.
Yes, it's going to really hurt at first. There's no denying that, because friendships aren't made with the idea that they'll one day end. Being hurt by the fact that you have to let this one go just proves that you really value friendships.
A text is probably not the way you want to end a friendship. When you can talk to someone face-to-face, and they can actually hear the words and how you're saying them, it has such a different impact. You'll feel like you got all of your points across successfully.
The moment after you end the friendship, you might go back and forth trying to determine whether you made the right decision. It's going to be one of those times where you really want a surefire sign that you made the right choice. Trust yourself, and everything else will fall into place.
It will be so ironic that losing a friend will further show you what you truly value in friendships. It takes losing something you don't emotionally need anymore to gain that golden perspective that'll stay with you forever. It isn't all bad, and sooner or later you will discover that yourself.
Friends are people we grow to love, and love to grow with. Just because you have to pluck a weed or two, that doesn't mean the garden's any less beautiful.
