Right and wrong reasons aren't just for The Bachelor, folks. There are plenty of wrong reasons to get into a relationship, which go beyond securing a Neil Lane ring and becoming an Instagram influencer. Society has largely told young women that securing a relationship is, well... important. We're told from childhood that we need to find our Prince Charming for our story to be complete. That being single equates to loneliness and inability to get something we should have — a happy ending. Now, a lot of us know that's a bunch of bullsh*t and being single is perfectly OK, but it makes sense to have swallowed at least a bit of that idea.
Because of that, it may be easy to jump into a relationship when the opportunity presents itself. You can easily convince yourself you like that person, when in all reality, you like the idea of a relationship much more. It makes sense: Relationships have perks, for sure. But you should only be committing to someone you actually want to be in that relationship with. The following reasons are all red flags you shouldn't be jumping into a relationship or making things exclusive or official too soon. I spoke to online dating expert Julie Spira on why the following are wrong reasons. Read on to see for yourself.
If you're defining the relationship so fast because you don't want to be single, that isn't necessarily the best way to begin a partnership with someone. You're making things official because of an insecurity (totally valid one!) you may have, which isn't entirely fair to the other person.
"A lot of people go from relationship to relationship without skipping a beat," Spira tells Elite Daily. "Often some overlap, when they feel the relationship they’re in is on its way out. The fear of being single is often greater than the reality of being in a bad relationship or one where it’s just not a fit. For this reason, you may become a serial monogamist so you don’t have to fly solo."
You ended things recently with an ex, and your ego may be wanting to prove how much better off you really are. This could lead to you showing off your new beau on social media to prove just how over your ex you are. In this case, though, you're using that other person for your own agenda and could lead to that person being really hurt.
"When you’re newly single, the first relationship to develop and nurture is the one with yourself," Spira says. "It will help you become relationship-ready for when the right one comes along."
Furthermore, she says you shouldn't be in competition with your ex in regards to the timing of new partners. After a relationship ends, it's time to turn your focus inward on yourself, Spira says. Plus, if that past relationship meant something to you, it may take time to get over that person.
For some reason, you're just not that into them. Sure, they're great on paper — charming, kind, smart, funny, and supportive. But you just don't feel it and you enter the relationship because you don't want to hurt them. But unfortunately, you're hurting everyone involved here. You're letting yourself down because you deserve to find someone who you have those feelings for, and you are letting that other person down because they deserve someone who feels that way for them, too.
"Ultimately, you’re better off being alone, enjoying time with your friends, and being open to finding a better relationship where the feelings are mutual," Spira says.
"Relationships of convenience are common," the dating expert says. "In today’s traffic-jammed world, if you’ve met someone that can easily fill your calendar and get into a routine, it’s hard to break it off. Once you start leaving a toothbrush at each other’s places and give each other a key, you can get locked into a relationship status that doesn’t make you happy."
They pay for your food and want to take you on fancy vacations. Sounds great, huh? But if you don't love spending time with them, and are only liking what they're providing for you, it may not be worth it in the long-run.
"It’s important to ask yourself, 'Would I be with this person if they lost their job, or had a financial crisis?’ If the answer is no, you’ll need to move on from the meal-ticket partner," she says.
You may feel a desire to people-please others in your life by locking down a relationship with someone that they love. But just because your family and friends are gaga over someone, it doesn't mean you are, too. You deserve someone that you like entirely on your own. Of course it makes your life way easier for "your people" to like the person you're dating, but it shouldn't be the only factor behind becoming exclusive.
Spira says that "just because your S.O. can be charming to your friends and family, it doesn’t mean their bad habits or incompatibility is good for you for the long haul."
So if you see any of these red flags present in your own relationship or with the person you're beginning to date, maybe consider taking a step back and reevaluating if you indeed are in it for the right reasons.
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