The way we've all traditionally been taught — at least through rom-coms and books — about how romance works out is that you meet your partner. and you just instantly know they're "the one." (LOL, OK.) Then, you fall in love and spend the rest of your lives together, happy and free of any problems. Sounds great and totally attainable, right?
Anyone who's ever existed as a real adult in the real world knows figuring out if someone is "the one" isn't always so easy. In fact, sometimes, you might even find out that the person you thought was your one isn't all they're cracked up to be. To clarify things a little more, here are some signs your partner isn't "the one," straight from ladies on a recent Reddit thread, who know what realizing this feels like from firsthand experience.
You can't see each other together in the long run.
I dated a guy for a few years, but wasn't thinking about the future. When he started talking about the future I realized I couldn't see us together at 80, but I could see us divorced by 35 at the latest. I decided ending it was probably wise.
Your want different things in life.
It was healthy but it ended which was to be expected because I knew it wasn't it. However, I was lonely and wanted him for so long so I went for it.I don't regret it as I learned some good lessons, but very glad I didn't have kids with him. Not that he was a bad guy, but our views are very different when it comes to living and enjoying life.
Our relationship was good, he just wasn't ready for marriage, and honestly I don't think he wanted to marry me either. So once we came to that realization, we were on borrowed time.
You go through more than just a rough patch.
I dated someone who I thought was The One and I honestly thought I would marry him. 2 years into our relationship I fell out of love with him. I thought all long term relationships went through super rough times, so I stayed even though I was unhappy because I knew I would have the life I dreamed of (big house, white picket fence, dogs, kids etc). It took me 2 more years but eventually I decided that my well being and happiness was worth more than the "what ifs". Less than 6 months later I found the complete opposite of him and couldn't be happier!
You're only together because it's comfortable.
I am right now. I don't really believe in "the one" but I do feel that I can eventually find someone better suited to me. Right now, I'm not in a good place and pretty focused on work/school/kid so I don't feel like I can really change my relationship, if that makes sense. It's comfortable at this point.
You're only staying together to appease their feelings.
Yes. I let it go on for way too long because I didn't want to be the one to break up and hurt him. Obviously that was the wrong choice, but I was young and dumb.
You dream of being with other people.
Yes, and no it didn't work out. Were together 6.5 years, the last 2 of the relationship were the tell-all for me. I was not in love with him anymore. I fantasized about being with other people. I didn't want to be around him. He was emotionally abusive and that had sealed the deal. I was afraid to break out of the routine but I knew I needed to and finally cut the cord. I'm now with someone I love and appreciate so I'm thankful that when I knew I was not with "the one," I got out of it.
Here's the thing, you guys. Even if the person you're currently with isn't necessarily "the one," the important thing is that they're making you happy right now. Maybe you're not even sure if they're the one yet! That's fine. You'll figure it all out eventually in your own time.
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