We all put our foot in mouth from time to time. I feel like I do it practically on a daily basis. Sometimes your mouth just runs away with you when you're feeling comfortable. And since we all know that the best sex happens when you're feeling totally uninhibited, there's a good chance that, even though we all know that there are certain things not to say in bed, at some point we all slip up and say something crazy.
While there should be no shame in your freak nasty game, there are some subjects you may want to steer clear of in the sack. On a recent Reddit thread, one Redditor asked "What's something you never want to hear a woman say in bed? Or what was the worst thing you've ever heard?"
The answers were very... educational. Some of the responses are really surprising — and some are hilarious. And some, well, I've definitely said them. Oops! Well, you live and you learn. Turns out, there’s dirty talk, then there’s just plain bad talk, and sometimes you don't have to say anything at all to make these dudes want to nope right out of the sack.
No Size Queens Please
"Your dick is bigger than your brothers." The amount of conflicting emotions would put me in a Johns Cena state of bamboozlement.
"I've had bigger" still pisses me off and hurts so much to this day.
Worst thing I've heard: A woman referring to my "peepee". Right in the middle of what was otherwise a great fuck. Turned me right off. Peepee... who calls it that that's out of diapers?
I don't want to hear "is it in yet"..
"how cute". yes, i'm not hard yet and i'm a grower but that's not something i want to hear about my dick.
No More Tears
Worst thing: she just started crying quietly afterwards. Catholic shame is serious business.
Never want to hear: Another guys name. Worst thing i've heard: Her starting to cry.
Not Being Into It
"Can you hurry up?" or "Are you almost finished?" is such a fucking buzzkill that it makes the sex last longer. Sometimes I just stop cause she obviously doesn't want to have sex at that point.
"I'm too hungover to cum, just hurry up.", which might have been true, but I'll never know and that was the only girl I slept with who was experienced enough to tell if I'm subpar in bed, so it's been pestering me ever since.
Plowing away, out of no where.... I hear....."SIGH, You done yet"?
That’s it? Literally worst first time in history. She wasn’t a virgin I was and lasted about 15 seconds...give or take 12 seconds.
That snort noise of trying to hold a laugh in. That would be an instant confidence killer.
When I was just learning about sex I was going down on a girl and after about three minutes she looked at me with a pokerface and said 'what are you doing down there'
Being Too Into It
Im so glad I skipped my birth control. Now we can be together forever and ever.
“I love you.”
i dont like it if the girl begs me to do X or Y (my girlfriend was a beggar in bed) it makes me feel like I'm unsatisfying and doing stuff wrong.
Seriously dude? It's not all about you!
Failing The Name Game
Another guy’s name, what’s your name again, asking me if it’s in yet, asking me if I’m finished...hasn’t happened to me but I’d imagine these are the worst
“My best friend's name”
Also, This Happened...
"Sorry, I just farted on your dick" It was terrible and I laughed so hard I lost my erection.
There you have it, ladies. Here’s what not to say next time you are with bae in bed. Or, if you’re a troll like me, here's some new material!
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