If you have ever been blindsided by a breakup you know how painful it can be. That's because not only are you having to deal with a broken heart, but also because it challenges your entire reality. It calls into question your judgment and ability to understand the people closest to you. It can be brutal, but it can also be a learning experience, because chances are there were red flags you're about to get broken up with that you just may have missed. Here’s the good news: According to the experts, once you know what to be on the lookout for, the likelihood that this will happen again is much, much lower.
"Generally, yes, it is possible to see a breakup coming particularly if you know what to look out for," Celia Schweyer, a dating and relationship expert at DatingScout.com tells Elite Daily. "If you and your partner have been together for years, and you exactly know every inch of his or her personality and behavior, you might be able to easily tell if you’re about to be broken up. Once you notice the changes in the way he or she treats you as a partner, you know that there is a problem that needs some fixing before everything comes to an end." However, she adds, it is trickier to see the signs in a new relationship, but still possible. "You just have to rely on your gut instincts to validate what you are feeling — that a breakup is coming," she explains. Here's what the experts say are warning signs to be aware of, so you don't get caught off guard by a breakup ever again.
Has it started to feel like pulling teeth just to get your partner to share the details of their day with you? If so, Schweyer says that could be a warning sign that they stepping away from the relationship. “When you find yourself being kept out of the loop frequently, it might be that they don’t consider you as a person that ought to know,” she explains. “The connection between the two of you has dimmed. You aren’t their first reflex when anything trivial or significant has happened to them. The best way to go about this is just to be upfront and honest. You’ve noticed that there has been a significant change in your communication dynamics and it is something best addressed directly.”
Almost all couples argue from time to time, but when those fights stop being productive and start getting ugly, that's a sign that your relationship may be coming to an end sooner than you expect, says Schweyer. “These unhealthy behaviors include refusing to compromise, refusing to forgive, or letting the fight go unresolved without saying anything. If you leave an issue open-ended like that, you are building a bubble full of anger and resentment that could burst anytime soon,” she explains.
You should also be wary of fights with “harsh start-ups,” Cherlyn Chong, a dating and breakup recovery coach for professional women, tells Elite Daily. “If a conflict is approached harshly, it will likely end the same way with both parties walking away feeling even more hurt. If you have enough of these without any resolution, your partner will probably one day just check out of the relationship and go, ‘I don’t feel the same way anymore,’” she warns.
Has the future of your relationship stopped being a topic of discussion? If so, the experts say to take note. “A relationship is healthy and definitely going somewhere if you and your partner talk about the present and the future together,” says Schweyer. “Once your partner stops including you in their short and long-term plans, something is wrong and you need to watch out for other signs that a breakup is coming,” she adds.
Chong agrees. “[If] your partner no longer wants to talk about the future, [or] anything that has been planned will be dismissed, denied or met with disinterest. They’ve checked out of the relationship at this point and are looking for a way out,” she says.
How much do you feel like you know about your SOs daily life? Does it seem like they are doing things without even mentioning it to you more frequently? That, Chong warns, is a sign that they could be pulling away. “This is commonly followed with them also responding sarcastically and dismissively to your concerns. At this point, they are no longer respecting you as an equal and are likely to end the relationship in as flippant a manner as they were to you,” she says.
Does something in your gut tell you that there is a problem in the relationship? Have you stopped feeling happy and secure with your partner? If so, Schwehyer says to pay attention because that could be your instincts trying to warn you that something is seriously amiss. “You know things are going to end when you just don’t feel happy and satisfied in the relationship as you were before,” she explains. “You can convince yourself that everything is OK, but it will always still feel like something isn’t right like something is lacking. When the emptiness won’t go away even after making an effort to fill the void, your relationship will most likely to end soon.”
If any of this is starting to hit a little closer to home than you would like, Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast, has some advice: Don't ignore the problem. “A lot of people will avoid confronting their partner if they don’t seem like they are into the relationship anymore because they are scared that could result in a breakup, so instead they just try to sweep it under the rug and carry on as usual. That said, it is so important to have open and ongoing communication before it even gets to that point. As soon as something bothers you, it’s so important to address it. You have to be able to have uncomfortable conversations, as this could salvage things before it’s too late.” While some of this may be hard to hear, at least there is still some hope. And it's times like this that it's so important to remember, every ending is a new beginning. Just because this relationship may not be meant to be, that doesn't mean love is dead forever, just that there is someone out there waiting who will be a better fit with and who the lessons of this relationship has made you more prepared for. So hang in there, you got this.
