5 Reasons “Almost” Relationships Are The Actual Worst When You’re Looking For Commitment

by Christy Piña

When you give someone a piece of your heart, and they throw it away, the pain lingers. When someone gives you a piece of their heart, and you don't want it anymore, the ache of doing to them what was done to you can really hurt. The agony that presents itself when an "almost" relationship comes to end because your feelings aren't reciprocated, and you feel like you shouldn't be so upset because it wasn't official, can do some serious damage. There are countless reasons “almost” relationships are the worst, and that's just one of them.

Picture being with someone all the time, going on dates, sleeping over, but never truly being together. They don't introduce you to your friends. They don't discuss the future. They don't define the relationship. When you're looking for a commitment, whether it be long-term or short-term, finding yourself in an "almost" relationship is way rough. You spend all this time and invest all this energy into someone because you genuinely want to be with them, and then you find out they don't want something serious. They want what the two of you have right now — an "almost" relationship. Here's why that can be brutal, so if you're looking for commitment, take a step back.

You're bound to get attached.

In an "almost" relationship, most of the things you would do in a "real" relationship are there, but the thing that's not is the promise of a future — of something beyond just what you've had the last couple of months. With the time invested, the weekly plans made, the sex — everything that makes a "real" relationship (even if that's not what you have right now) — will probably prompt you to feel attached to this person. It's normal, and, if you're stuck in an "almost" relationship when you truly want commitment, it's going to hurt if your feelings aren't reciprocated.

You get your hopes up.

If there's one thing that I believe in whole-heartedly (besides everything ending up the way it's supposed to) it's that expectations lead to disappointment. And if that makes me cynical, then so be it. The likelihood of attachment when you're in an "almost" relationship and the chances of getting your hopes up go hand-in-hand. When you're basically in a relationship, but not actually, you continue to tell yourself it could really go somewhere, because you genuinely think it can. When it doesn't? Ouch.

You give up your chances of being with someone else.

When you're in an "almost" relationship, and you want to be with your "almost" partner, you're not looking elsewhere because you think you found the person you want to be with. However, maybe there's someone else out there who wants to give you everything you want, and you just don't see it. You could be turning away this person or not even noticing they're there because you're stuck in your "almost" relationship — one that isn't even giving you the satisfaction you deserve.

You're emotionally invested in someone who doesn't feel the same.

Your emotions are precious, and they're meant to be cherished. They're not worth investing in someone who doesn't treasure them the way they deserve to be treasured. If your "almost" partner has made no indication of wanting more from your relationship, it's possible there is no hope for the two of you to ever be more than an "almost" relationship. According to matchmaker and dating coach Lori Salkin, if you've been seeing each other for almost six weeks and the topic of moving forward in your relationship hasn't come up, they might feel like you're just a filler for now. "In a relationship that shows promise, the guy should be starting to hint towards being exclusive or calling you his girlfriend by that time in the relationship," Salkin told Elite Daily.

You're being led on and strung along.

In an "almost" relationship, there's usually one person who's more invested in the relationship than the other. Being this person is scary because if you're all in, and the other person isn't, your heart's on the line. In an official relationship, you know that your partner is just as into you as you are into them; they're not just stringing you along. You won't know why they feel this way unless you ask. Maybe they were hurt in the past and haven't been able to fully throw themselves into something new because they're just not ready. Maybe they're afraid of getting hurt. Talking to them about it is always a good option, because sometimes, airing everything out might be just what you need to turn an "almost relationship" into the real deal.

So, if you find yourself in an "almost" relationship when you actually want full-blown commitment, consider stepping away. It's OK to end things if you're in a situation you didn't want to be in. You don't need to stay in something just because. Don't let yourself be strung along because you're comfortable with your "almost" partner. You deserve more, if you want it. And, if you don't, and you're OK being in an "almost" relationship, that's fine, too. Just don't allow yourself to be stuck in something you don't want. You deserve better.

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