Recite These 5 Mantras After You & Your Partner Have Your First Big Fight, & Breathe Deep

When you first start dating someone, the idea that you could ever really disagree and fight can seem ridiculous. You're the perfect match, after all. This is one of the many reasons this time is referred to as the honeymoon phase. Give it some time, and eventually, you'll have your first big fight. While it can be really hard and painful to argue with your partner, think of your first big disagreement as a rite of passage. And with mantras to recite after fighting with your partner to help calm you down and reassure you, it can actually be a positive and growing experience for you both, as individuals and as a couple.

Typically when you argue, it’s because one or both of you crossed a boundary. But it's actually a good sign that you feel comfortable enough to speak up when that happens! Not only can the argument teach you about one another’s boundaries, but it’s your first crash course in communication when things get heated — a time when your skills are really put to the test. However, in order to soak in those benefits and turn a negative experience into a positive one, calming your mind is essential. This can be hard when you're really in your feelings, which is where mantras that can help you take a breath and calm down after your first big fight can come in handy.

Take a deep breath and be calm.

First things first: Center yourself and calm down. One of the best ways to do that is to simply take a few deep breaths. When your heart is pounding with emotion or anxiety, it will cloud your thinking and your judgment. (Not to mention it doesn’t feel amazing.) So, tell yourself to take a few slow breaths, and then take your own advice.

My feelings are valid and I will honor them.

Right after a fight, I have a habit of second guessing my own feelings and emotions. Sound familiar? If so, this mantra will help you remember there was a reason you were upset to begin with, and by honoring and acknowledging that your feelings are valid, you can start to unpack why you feel the way you feel. When things have cooled off and it’s time to talk to your partner about the argument, understanding your feelings is essential to resolving the issue at hand.

I will practice empathy.

Along with honoring your feelings, it’s usually a good idea to honor your partner’s as well. This mantra will help you focus on practicing empathy, so that even though you may not agree with how your partner is feeling, you can come to an understanding about what and why they are feeling that way. This, in turn, can help you address the underlying problems moving forward.

I will learn something important from this argument.

After a big fight, it can be tempting to brush your feelings under the carpet, but you may be wasting an opportunity to learn something about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. Use this mantra to help encourage you to see the fight as a learning opportunity, and as a chance to get closer to your partner.

Our bond is strong and we will get through this.

Fighting with your partner for the first time can be really scary, but it's not the end of the world. You may be worried that it’s a sign you're not the right fit for each other, or that your relationship can’t survive a fight, but some fighting and bickering is a normal part of being in a relationship! This mantra will help you remember that your bond is stronger than a fight, and that you'll get through it together.

Positive thinking can be really powerful. Repeating these mantras can help calm your mind and spirit, and put you in a more peaceful and receptive headspace. That way, when it's time to kiss and make up, you’ll be ready.