If You Want To Define The Relationship, Recite These 5 Daily Affirmations
It happened. After a nervous first date, you never really stopped seeing that Tinder cutie. It's like, somehow you started texting during the day? You know their coffee order down to the amount of packets of raw sugar, and you wait to hear from them before making your weekend plans. What?! As you wonder what exactly you and your special someone are actually doing, you realize... you want to define the relationship, like, today. And though it may feel intimidating, with the help of some daily affirmations to recite when you want to DTR, you'll be speaking your truth in no time.
Defining the relationship (DTR), or having a conversation with the person you're seeing about the parameters of your relationship, means different things to different people. Maybe you're looking for monogamy, or maybe you want to keep things open. Whatever it is you're looking for out of your relationship — DTR is the time to express your needs openly and without judgment. But being transparent about your needs is hard, and if you're feeling nervous before having a big talk with the person you're seeing, you're definitely not alone. These five affirmations may help calm you down before having that conversation. Recite them before bed, during meditation, or even in your car or on the bus, right before you meet up with the person you're dating. They might help more than you think.
01"I can ask for what I want."
Do you want to be exclusive and monogamous? Do you want to have an open relationship? Do you want to have your own system where it's OK to be physically intimate with other people, but it's not OK to be emotionally invested in them? You can ask for whatever you want, and you don't need to feel sheepish or apologetic about it. If you're not exactly sure what it is you want, take the time to figure that out. Speaking with your partner may be insightful, but understanding your own needs is even more helpful.
02"My partner and I wanting different things isn't 'failure.'"
If you want to be open and your partner wants to be monogamous, it's clear that you want different things, but you won't know unless you have the conversation. Maybe you want to move, and your partner doesn't, and neither of you wants to do long-distance. Whatever it is you want or don't want, when you DTR, you have an opportunity to come clean. But if you realize that you and your boo are on different pages — it's important to remember that neither of you "failed." Relationships are about growing and changing together, and sometimes, that means ultimately going your separate ways.
03"I won't compromise my needs."
Compromise is healthy in any relationship. Maybe you go to the cat adoption clinic even when you kind of hate cats because it means a lot to your partner and they helped you move last weekend. Maybe you order Greek food even when you wanted Thai because you know that's what they like. However, compromising your own personal needs within a relationship ins't going to help anyone. If your partner is not willing to commit to monogamy and you're looking for something exclusive, or if they're not into being open and you're looking for something non-exclusive, you don't need to compromise your needs to make your partner (or anyone) happy.
04If not now, then sometime soon.
When you're about to DTR, it can feel like everything is on the line. The pressure can feel super intense, and it can seem like getting clarity on your relationship is a total now-or-never situation. Of course, with a couple of deep breaths and some open dialogue, you don't need to feel this way. DTR doesn't need to be one talk or one day. You can set boundaries and check in over the course of your entire relationship. And if it's clear you and your boo want different things, you don't need to feel like they were your only shot at love. Love isn't linear, and sometimes things take time.
05If they can't give me the clarity I want, maybe they're not the one for me.
If your partner isn't willing to DTR, or if they're making you feel uncomfortable for wanting some clarity and honesty, it's OK to walk away from whatever you've been doing. You never need to feel ashamed for asking for what you need. If your boo is making you feel bad for wanting to know what the flip is going on, they may have some of their own issues to work through. You deserve to have the type of relationship that you want, with someone who doesn't make you feel bad about it. If someone can't give you openness and honesty, it's OK to walk away.
No matter how long you've been seeing someone, defining the relationship can be totally intimidating. Yet, remembering that your needs are valid and embracing what you want from a relationship can help you center yourself before starting any kind of tough conversation. You deserve to have the type of relationship you're looking for, so don't be afraid to fight for it.
