4 Signs Your Relationship Is Suffering From Lack Of Effort, According To Experts
No matter your relationship status, you've likely heard the term "honeymoon phase" at some point. In short, the honeymoon phase is the first phase of a relationship during which both people are obsessed with each other and want to spend all their time together. But sadly, it doesn't last forever. After the honeymoon phase comes real life, which, while sometimes described as even better than the honeymoon phase, can cause you and bae to tone down the passion. But there's a difference between emerging from the honeymoon phase and the signs your relationship is suffering from lack of effort.
It's important to recognize that getting past the honeymoon phase doesn't always go hand-in-hand with less effort being put into a relationship. When you're past the honeymoon phase, you're still in love and happy together — you can just manage to keep your hands off each other for more than 20 minutes. When your relationship is suffering from lack of effort, however, you might feel like your partner does not care enough to continue working on your relationship. You might not necessarily be right, and it could just be that bae does care but doesn't quite know how to express it, or believes you already know how they feel, so they don't have to try as hard. Every relationship is different, and while it's normal to deal with some level of comfort in a relationship, you shouldn't feel like your partner doesn't care about you.
If you want to address this newfound, perceived lack of effort, knowing the signs that your relationship could use a boost might help. Here's what experts say to look out for that might mean you should start a conversation.
1. You don't communicate as often.
If you feel like you don't need to be constantly texting your partner, that's totally fine. But if sending and receiving those "good morning" texts is important to you, and you realize they suddenly stop, that could be a sign your partner doesn't find them necessary anymore. "When your partner sends you a good morning text, and calls you at night to see how your day went and to say good night, and suddenly the communications starts to fade, it’s a sign you could be taken for granted, or that your partner isn’t as interested," Julie Spira, online dating expert and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, tells Elite Daily.
Again, this doesn't necessarily mean that your partner no longer loves you, so don't freak out. But it might mean that you need more from them than what they're giving you, so they might benefit from putting in a bit more effort.
2. You aren't spending as much time together.
When you first start dating someone, it's normal to want to be around them all the time. But as life gets in the way and you get more and more used to your partner, you might not feel like you need to see them as often, or vice versa. "When someone is into you in the beginning, they’ll want to spend as much time with you as possible, maybe even two to four times a week," Spira explains. But if your partner is making more and more excuses to not hang out with you, that's likely a lack of effort on their part.
Now, this doesn't mean that because your partner needs space, they're not willing to put effort into your relationship. It's totally normal to take some space and not be all over each other all the time. But if it feels like you're seeing less and less of them every week, and they always have an excuse to not hang out, you might want to have a conversation.
"If you notice the time together diminishing on a regular basis, with excuses of work or family commitments, your partner just isn’t putting in the effort anymore."
3. You're not getting enough emotional support, either.
A healthy relationship should have plenty of emotional support from both partners. Even if you've been together for years, that shouldn't ever stop. However, if it does, then it's a clear sign of a lack of effort.
"A partner is too busy or not interested in providing emotional support," Alessandra Conti, celebrity matchmaker at Matchmakers In The City tells Elite Daily. "When you are in a relationship, you should not have to beg for your partner to listen to the issues that you are going through, be it issues that you are having with your friends, at work, etc. An internal part of being in a relationship is that you have the emotional support of your partner through whatever it is that you are going through. When a partner is consistently too busy to listen to what you have to say or offer support, they are clearly letting you know that the relationship is no longer a priority."
4. You aren't getting physical as often.
You don't have to constantly be having sex to be in a healthy relationship, but a lack of physical connection is a sign of lack of effort, according to Conti. "There is little attempt at physical affirmation — not only sex! — this includes hand holding, hugging, general affectionate touching, kissing, making out, etc."
Relationships take lots of work, y'all. It's normal to notice a slight wane in passion after the honeymoon phase, but if it's becoming a recurring issue and you feel like your partner just does not care to put it any effort at all, Conti suggests discussing it with them. "It is vital to try to figure out what changed, when it changed, and what you can both do to alleviate the issues," she says. "When you are dealing with a partner who is not giving enough effort, bring it up in a non-emotional and nonjudgmental way."
You and your partner both deserve happiness, and sometimes, that happiness requires a little effort.