Although pop culture can make falling in love look like an endless vacation full of lavish dinners and romantic rose petal baths, the truth is: Relationships take a lot of work. From actively communicating to dealing with conflicts, maintaining a healthy partnership with someone can be a lot to process. Of course, if you're starting to notice that your partner doesn't seem to be interesting in making your relationship work, it may be a sign that your partner is falling out of love with you.
"Falling out of love is when you no longer desire to do the things necessary in order to keep your romantic relationship alive," Shula Melamed, MA, MPH, and well-being coach, tells Elite Daily. "It is acknowledging that the lack of effort is because of a lack of interest in continuing the partnership in the same way."
According to Melamed, while all relationships have natural evolutions (read: Relationships aren't always full of fancy dinners and sexy showers), falling out of love means someone is losing interest in trying to work through conflict. "Falling out of love can mean a shift in how a person in relating to their significant other," Melamed says.
Here are four signs that your partner might be falling out of love.
1. They're not connecting with you anymore.
If you've noticed that you haven't been connecting as much lately, (sexually, emotionally, or psychologically), and you've tried to talk to them but don't seem to want to change their behavior, Melamed shares it might be time for a check-in. "There is a lack of interest on their part to connect, to answer your bids for attention or affection," Melamed says.
Listen, there is no set amount that you and your partner are "supposed" to have sex, long talks, or special date nights. You get to decide what your relationship looks like and what your individual needs are. However, if your partner seems to be ignoring your needs, it may be helpful to open up about what you're feeling.
2. They don't want to talk things out.
While talking openly about your feelings isn't always easy, stating your needs and expressing your emotions is imperative in a healthy relationship. "If they aren't willing to share their struggles for why they can't show up for the relationship, you or themselves might mean they are protecting you from this truth they are afraid to expose," Melamed says.
As Melamed shares, if your partner isn't willing or able to open up about what they're feeling or doesn't want to talk about their struggles or emotions with you, it may be time to consider if your needs are being met. You deserve to be with someone who is honest and transparent with you, and that means being able to talk through conflict.
3. You feel like an afterthought.
While you and your boo certainly don't have to do everything together all the time, it's important that you're considerate of each other and communicating about plans and feelings. According to Melamed, if you feel like an afterthought, or you and your partner aren't working together or planning things as a team, it might be time to reconsider if your needs are being met.
4. They don't want to fix it.
While there's no one way to fix a relationship, if you're noticing that your partner isn't interested in doing anything to fortify your connection or won't put any effort in, Melamed shares it's time to talk. "If they are uninterested in doing the things necessary to repair aspects of the relationship: going to see a counselor, having real conversations about the relationship and the direction of it, it's also a pretty good sign [that they're falling out of love]," Melamed says. Repairing a relationship can look different for everyone. Some people may see a couples' therapist or set a weekly time to talk, while others without access to mental health resources may navigate conflict in a way that feels right for them.
While all relationships have their ups and downs, if your partner consistently isn't showing up for you in the ways you need, it may be time to talk. You deserve a relationship that is supportive and fulfilling, and if someone isn't open and eager to give that to you, it may be time to show them the door.
Shula Melamed, MA, MPH, and well-being coach