How To Know You're Not In Love Anymore
Love is a fickle thing. One day we can't imagine living without a person, and the next, we're questioning if we ever loved him or her to begin with.
However, people don't really question whether or not they've fallen in love. In fact, most people believe themselves to be "in love" before what they're experiencing is actually love.
We're quick to believe we've found love, just as we're quick to believe we're losing it. Being the most contradictory creatures walking the face of this planet, we find ourselves on a never-ending quest for comfort; we seek comfort, but once we have it, we are quick to look for a new adventure, for new challenges, for a new feeling of excitement -- which, in itself, is just another form of comfort.
Yet, sometimes people do fall in love. Sometimes what they're experiencing is something that can only be described as magical. Sadly, the most magical of experiences are the ones that most rapidly fade into a void. Take it from someone who fell in love, questioned that love, only to come to realize that what he once had was likely the best he will ever have: True love doesn't fade.
It wavers. It fluctuates. It may even seemingly go into hibernation for months, maybe even years at a time. But it's there. It's a part of you that you cannot and will not rid yourself of. For this reason, the only way to fall out of love is to never have truly been in love in the first place.
But how can you tell the difference? Well… the only way to really know whether or not you're in love is to wait and see if you're starting to fall out of it. An endless loop -- I know. But there are some signs that you can look out for that will clue you in on whether what you're experiencing is a loss of love, or simply a loss of interest.
1. Your Love In Your Partner Wavers, Not Just Your Interest
The human psyche is built with intertwining layers of thought. In order to simplify things, however, let's imagine that all of our long-term wants and needs exist on a single layer and all of our immediate wants and needs exist on another, separate layer.
Now, our long-term wants and needs are the base -- the compass, if you will, guiding our overall direction in life. Our long-term wants and needs formulate our long-term goals. Our short-term wants and needs, on the other hand, exist on an ever-changing and wavering plane. One minute we want this. The next, we want that.
Love, true love, exists on the long-term plane. It roots itself within our innermost wants and goals. However, because love is so overwhelming, the romance of it all exists on the more shallow plane. The problem that most of us encounter is that, while our long-term wants and goals are what keep us going, our short-term wants and needs excite us most. Why? Because they exist in the present.
They require or allow for immediate action, immediate change, immediate satisfaction. Our shallow wants and needs are the easiest to attain, and therefore, most people spend the majority of their lives chasing the ever-fleeting.
But that love you let go of likely still exists somewhere inside of you. You may be ignoring it, allowing your interest to drift to other things or people, but if you ever truly loved him or her, you still love that person.
2. As Your Partner Changes, Your Love For Them Changes — For The Worse
First, a bit of a warning. I understand your entire universe is built upon the way you perceive it to be -- that's the way we all see it -- but the truth is most people aren't very good at perceiving others for the individuals they truly are. We judge and assume because it's in our nature to do so. However, one should not be quick to assume that the way we perceive any reality to be, is the way that it actually is.
That goes double for people, as we're psychologically complex animals. The way people act and the things they say rarely reflect their real intentions or their real characters.
Everyone has a persona -- a mask he or she puts on to hold him or herself together for the rest of the world to see. Some people are good at uncovering what lies behind the paint, but most of us assume we know more than we actually do.
Be careful with how you judge people -- even when they are the ones closest to your heart. You may think you know what they're going through, but most often, it turns out not to be the case. With that being said, people do change. And because love is the summation of all the things we know and love about an individual, when certain things about said individual change, the love is bound to fade. But again... people change.
3. Your Love For Your Partner Changes, But They Don't; You Just Finally Understand Who Your Partner Truly Is
With time, you can get to know someone on a very intimate level. No matter the persona one tries to emulate, one's true self always manages to seep through in the end. Maybe it's not that you're falling out of love with the person that you have come to love. Maybe it's that you've come to realize the person you've loved all this time, never existed to begin with.
People love people only for the things they can see. You can't love someone for a reason that you have yet to experience -- we don't work that way. And as I've mentioned above, people aren't usually the best at judging individuals for who they really are -- especially when it comes to love; love quickly blinds us. Or rather, we choose to be blind in order to stay in love.
Love can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be very ugly. True love, without a doubt, is the most beautiful thing that exists. However, people are more interested in the romantic aspect of it than they are in the depth that it allows for. For this reason, we're quick to allow people into our hearts who don't always deserve a place in it. Maybe you're falling out of love because you shouldn't have been in love in the first place.
Chances are you already know whether or not you're falling out of love. You just don't want to admit it. Hopefully this confirmed what you already knew to be true, and you manage to find it in you to do what needs to be done.
If it was never true love, it won't likely ever be true love.