One of the most inevitable things in all long-term relationships is that the people in them change. We all grow with time and experience. For some people, the change is minimal, but for others, it can be drastic. While personal growth is typically a good thing, it can have unintended effects on our relationships. People once well-suited for each other may suddenly find themselves incompatible. So if you're feeling like you're not on the same page with your SO anymore, it's time to start looking out for signs your partner isn’t the person you fell for and what that's going to mean for your relationship moving forward.
If you’re worried that your relationship is automatically doomed, Fran Greene relationship expert, dating coach, and author of The Secret Rules of Flirting and Dating Again with Courage and Confidence, says not so fast — you do still have options for salvaging the relationship. But before you can focus on solutions, you first need to know what is causing your feelings to change. The earliest sign that something in the dynamic has shifted, and your partner is not the same person you fell in love with, is that you will start falling out of love with them. Here's what Greene says to be on the lookout for.
If there was a time when your partner was basically your dream SO, but now you can’t stop thinking about how much you want to be with someone different, and “out of nowhere you are thinking about how you would be so much happier if you were with someone else,” Greene tells Elite Daily that could be because your partner has changed. She also warns that if “as you are imagining what life would be like without your partner you feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders,” you’re likely falling out of love with your SO.
Does spending time with your partner make you happy, or do you find yourself increasingly frustrated by their presence? If it's the latter, that’s a red flag that something has shifted in the relationship. Greene says that if “you vacillate from feeling terribly lonely to angry because you are so unhappy,” that is likely a product of growing resentment in your relationship.
How much time do you spend with your partner now? Or better question, how much time do you want to spend with them? If the answer to that is less and less, Greene says that's a sign — especially if “the thought of being with other happy couples is unbearable to you," and "you turn down social invitations because you don’t want to feel trapped with your partner.” If you used to want to spend all your time with your partner, but now you're looking for any excuse to avoid them, it may be because you’ve stopped having things in common.
Is this ringing true to you? If so, then it’s time to start thinking about how to move forward. Greene says it’s time to do something hard and be honest. “It’s essential that you do some soul searching and figure out why the shift from being madly in love to wanting to run away. It’s time to start discussing your concerns with your partner."
As I said before, your partner changing doesn't automatically mean the relationship has to end, but it does mean you will both have to agree to put in the work to adapt to the new dynamic. Greene suggests calling in some professional help. “If you and your partner want it to work, seeing a therapist can be the best thing for you,” she says, adding, “It can help you see if the relationship is worth repairing or if ending is the best decision, no matter how difficult that is.”
The fact is that we all change over time, and that can really test a relationship. But the strongest bonds can survive that change, so if this person — although they're different from when you first met — is the person you see a future with, hang in there. If you grew apart, there's a good chance you can grow back together, too.
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