I am really attracted to smart people. The smarter they are, the more I want to make out with their face. While there is nothing wrong with that exactly, something I often forget to look for in a partner is emotional intelligence. We all have it in varying degrees. It may be that you are the more empathetic partner, or maybe there are signs your partner is more emotionally intelligent than you.
"Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others," according to Psychology Today. No one wants to feel like they are failing at something, so it's possible that the idea that you’re not as emotionally intelligent as your partner probably isn’t something you’d want to consider. But here's the thing that is important to remember: Each partner brings different strengths and weaknesses to the relationship, and ultimately. what really matters is finding the right balance between the two of you. Besides, emotional intelligence is actually a skill you can learn, and your ideal partner is one who will help you grow and bring out the best in you. So, if you suspect your partner may be a bit more emotionally intelligent than you, here is how the experts say to know for sure.
If you want your relationship to be healthy and to last, you'll both need to know how to fight fairly. How not to lash out and try to "win" by scoring points. How to see fights as a way of coming to a consensus, rather than simply beating the other into emotional submission. This is a sign of someone with high emotional intelligence. "[You] express your disagreements and emotional pain without attacking or demonizing your partner," psychotherapist Jeffrey Rubin, author of The Art of Flourishing: A Guide to Mindfulness, Self-Care, and Love in a Chaotic World, told Elite Daily. "You are in touch with what you are feeling and its possible impact on [others]," he added.
Another sign of emotional intelligence is empathy, Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at UMass Amherst, told Cosmopolitan. An emotionally intelligent person is able to read subtle clues and interpret how you are feeling. "They can read you well — and your moods — without you having to spell it out in excruciating detail. They can tell what’s bothering you at the moment, and what would make you feel good,” explained Whitbourne.
When you are really in your feelings, do you have a tendency to lash out and blame your partner, or external circumstances? If so, that's a sign that emotional intelligence is a growth area for you and something you can work on. As intuitive dating coach Diana Dorell explained to Elite Daily, changing this behavior can begin with simply using language, like "I feel" rather than "you make me feel" when you are arguing or working through an issue. By simply changing your phrasing, you are taking responsibility for your emotions, which is a sign of emotional intelligence.
While making these changes may seem like a lot of work, especially when emotions are running high, it's worth all the effort. By working to be at least as — if not more — emotionally intelligent than your partner, you will be actively improving the quality of your relationship and growing closer to one another. After all, isn't that the whole point? Don’t worry, you got this.
