Let me start off by saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a wild night when the mood strikes. Depending on your personality and lifestyle, the frequency with which you hit the town with your crew can vary drastically from person to person. And while turning up on the regular isn't necessarily a bad thing, knowing the red flags when dating someone who likes to party will help you figure out if their habits could develop into a bigger problem in your relationship.
Let's be honest: Having a partner in crime who's pretty much always down to meet you on the same level is pretty great — whether that's mutually agreeing to cancel plans and watch Netflix instead, or spontaneously deciding to get sloshed on a Sunday afternoon simply because you can. But sometimes we end up in relationships with people who have dramatically different habits than our own. The good news is this doesn't always have to be a deal breaker. If, however, you and bae rarely meet eye-to-eye on how to spend your free time and on what constitutes as fun, then this is definitely something that should be addressed — particularly when it comes to alcohol consumption. Elite Daily spoke with dating and etiquette expert April Masini of Relationship Advice Forum to better understand partying behavior that may cause a rift in your relationship.
When it comes to dating, differences between the habits and lifestyles of two people might not automatically mean that they're wrong for each other. That said, Masini notes that the size of the gaps between differences is something to keep in mind.
"If you’re dating someone who regularly parties so hard they black out at the party, while you’re buzzed from a glass or two of wine at the end of the night, this 'gap' could very well be too large for both of you to bridge with compromise," Masini tells Elite Daily.
When it comes to meeting in the middle, keeping your honest feelings about their extracurricular activities to yourself is not the best call.
"It’s important to get your feelings on the table so that if one or both of you wants to make changes for the other person, they can," explains Masini.
As someone who firmly believes margaritas are the elixir of life, the fact that my partner isn't able to guzzle down pitchers of this tangy nectar used to pain me to no end. But at a certain point, I had to accept the fact that trying to bring him over to the dark side was far from finding a middle ground. It's important to remember that compromising doesn't mean that one person gets exactly what they want, but rather, that both of you can be flexible and understanding.
If, however, your partner is constantly pressuring you to do things you aren't comfortable with and aren't willing to compromise on, then this doesn't bode well for the future. Being able to respect boundaries is an important part of a healthy relationship
"If your partner uses partying to avoid unpleasant tasks like doing taxes or cleaning the bathrooms, and you’re someone who grabs the bull by the horns, even when the bull is an April 14 tax return, you’re going to have problems," says Masini.
Partying to avoid dealing with more complicated emotions or life circumstances can be particularly detrimental to both your partner as an individual, and your relationship. If you suspect their partying could be rooted in something deeper, Masini recommends bringing up your concerns in a clear, concise, and non-accusatory way. "They may welcome the question and want help," she notes.
But if they are unwilling to address partying habits that have become toxic, sometimes dismissing yourself from the relationship is the healthiest option. Dating someone who's different from you can be a great experience and, in some cases, a learning opportunity for what you are and are not willing to compromise on. While it can be tough to see the writing on the wall, in the end it's important to stay true to yourself. And while requesting that a partner make adjustments isn't the same thing as asking them to change the core of who they are, respecting their decision either way is key.
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