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25 Dirty Jokes To Text Your Partner For Filthy Laughs

Want to make your partner's day? It's not as hard as you think. (That's what she said.) While plenty of people appreciate a midday NSFW sext, I think there's something even more delightful about texting your SO a hilariously dirty joke. Not only will it give you both a good laugh — a filthy joke is a totally unexpected thing to come in the middle of the day. (Come in the Middle of the Day: the title of your sex tape.) I've got some dirty jokes to text your partner that are surely to make them cackle... and maybe even get them a little turned on.

Perhaps sexual innuendos are your thing. Maybe you can't resist a dirty pick-up line. As much as I love a good, clean knock-knock joke, it's hard not to grab your SO's attention with some raunchy adult humor. "How was your day?" Predictable and lame. A joke so filthy you want to take a shower after reading it? Promiscuous and LOL-worthy. I'll warn you: These jokes aren't for the faint of heart. But if you're looking to make your partner gasp, these 25 down-and-dirty one-liners are a far cry from the jokes you'd find on a Popsicle stick.

"What's The Difference" Jokes

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  • "What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball."
  • "What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear. The other is a great year."
  • "What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They're not so thick and insensitive anymore."
  • "What's the difference between 'Oooh!' and 'Aaah!'? About three inches."
  • "What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean."

Pick-Up Lines

  • "Do you like sales? Because clothing is 100% off at my place."
  • "I wish you were my big toe. Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house."
  • "'You're cute' has U in it, but 'quickie' has U and I together."
  • "Do you do carpeting? Because I'm looking for a deep shag."
  • "Is your name winter? Because you'll be coming soon."

"What Do You Call" Jokes

  • "What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? A tearjerker."
  • "What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off."
  • "What do you call an expert fisherman? A master baiter."
  • "What do you call a nanny with breast implants? A faux-pair."
  • "What do you call a guy with a small penis? Just-in."

Sexual Innuendos

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  • "How is a thunderstorm similar to sex? You never know how many inches you will get or how long it will last."
  • "How is playing bridge similar to sex? If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."
  • "How is life like a penis? It sometimes get hard when you least expect it."
  • "Did you hear about the man who ejaculated without a penis? He came out of nowhere."
  • "Why does Santa have such a heavy sack? He only comes once a year."

"What Did They Say" Jokes

  • "What did the man say to the police officer who told him, 'Anything you say can and will be held against you?' 'Boobs!'"
  • "What did the elephant say to the naked man? 'How do you breathe through that tiny thing?'"
  • "What did one saggy boob say to the other? 'If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts.'"
  • "What did the sex toy store employee say to the customers before closing for the night? 'It's time for you to beat it!'"
  • "What did the sperm bank receptionist say to the clients before they left? 'Thanks for coming!'"

If these jokes don't leave your partner gasping and begging for more, then I've failed you all.