There are some things that are just better said outside of the context of pillow talk. Even though it might be tempting to tell them absolutely everything while you're snuggling with them in bed, topics to avoid with your partner include anything that will bring the daily stress you face in the outside world into the bedroom with you. Let being in bed with your partner be a refuge for the both of you from the outside world. Practice mindfulness with what you say to one another to build a close, loving, sustainable bond.
Sometimes, especially when you are in such an intimate space, you'll want to talk about tender subjects. Don't underestimate the power of the bedroom to be a healing space, where the two of you work through old wounds from previous relationships. At the same time, you don't want to overwhelm your partner or bring too much baggage with you into your private space. While you might want to bring up things that exes did to hurt you in the past, for example, you definitely should not be talking about your ex every time you hook up. That's just a little thing I like to call "having manners."
Besides exes, here's what else you shouldn't make your regular pillow talk.
Do you really need to work out your parents' divorce? That's great! It's never too soon to start healing, but you should probably talk about this outside of the bedroom, maybe even with a professional, instead of bringing it up right after sex.
Unless you are a member of the wealthy 1 percent, money talk will likely never not be stressful. The bedroom is probably the one place in the universe where you can escape from the horrors of capitalism. Remember, if you're trying to keep your bedroom space stress-free, then should avoid one of the most stressful topics ever.
Again, the bedroom is an escape and a sanctuary. Don't bring your literal dirty laundry into bed with you. There will be plenty of time to take care of chores when you both have been completely tended to.
Unless discussing five-year plans is some sort of kink you share with your partner (and if it is, no shame), constantly scheming about your corporate future is for the boardroom, not the bedroom.
While you and your partner should definitely be completely honest with one another about your past and held accountable for mistakes you might have made with previous partners, take these conversations outside of the bedroom so you don't sully up your sheets with the ghosts of relationships past.
Maybe you want your partner to focus on achieving financial stability. Maybe you're in a long-distance relationship, and you're really trying to figure out how to move so you can close the space between you. These are all problems that the two of you can definitely solve, given the right setting. And the bed is not the place.
The only exception to this rule is if you are dating someone who genuinely gets off to hearing you talk about other people you have been with. I'm sure there are plenty of people who have this kink, but personally, I'm not one of them. Before you start bringing other people into bed with you, whether that's literally or metaphorically, make sure that's something your partner is into as well.
Never, ever, ever play on a partner's insecurities in bed. That kind of behavior can cause lasting and irreparable damage both to your relationship and your lover. If you are really mad at your partner, then tell them you are not in the mood for sex, and work out your issues elsewhere.
Your relationship can be a healing space where you work out the ways in which you damage yourself. However, focusing on your insecurities while you are in bed with someone can give you tunnel vision. Find ways to heal outside of the bedroom, and then, bring your renewed energy back in.
Talking about what you want instead of what you have can be like sticking your hand into a monkey trap. When you get hung up on the jewels that are out of reach, you fail to recognize what is literally right under your nose. Tend to the garden of your relationship so that it can blossom into the orchard that you and your partner want for each other. Everything else will come next.
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