The world is a weird place, you guys.
It's always been weird, but I swear it just keeps getting weirder and weirder. People are using Pokémon dildos, people seem to think it's normal to write on a person's Facebook wall after a drunken makeout and now, people are claiming they were sexually assaulted by toys.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Isabelle Lassiter claims she was sprayed in the face with a pee-pee doll in — what her husband called in an interview with NBC4i.com — a "sexual-style assault."
Lassiter and her family were dining at Tennessee's Wasabi Japanese Steakhouse in Murfreesboro this Monday when the "assault" took place.
The chef took out the little plastic doll made to look like a little boy and pulled down its pants. When he did that, the pee-pee doll did what it was designed to do, and a thin stream of water came out of the doll's genital area and landed on Lassiter's face.
Lassiter told Fox17.com the story in her own words,
He pulled his little shorts down and it had a 'wanger' and he squirted me right in the face.
In case you didn't put it together from the whole sexual assault claim thing, she was not pleased.
Wasabi's owner and general manager, Johnny Huang, explains the doll, which is actually used to control the hibachi flames, is a common part of the dinner show the patrons get.
Again, Lassiter and her husband were still not amused. So, what did they do? Naturally, they called the police and filed a police report.
In an interview with Cleveland19.com, Lassiter explained her particular horror at the fact the incident happened in front of her minor children and grandchildren.
She also specified, "It really didn't have a wiener, but you got the point."
But don't worry; the world has not totally lost its mind, and this doll isn't actually going to go to court.
Police have not filed any charges, and in an interview with The Huffington Post, LA-based criminal defense attorney, Adam Sostrin, explains,
As far as I can tell, there was no sexual assault made by the obnoxious yet marginally entertaining toy at the hibachi restaurant. Nor should any humans be found criminally culpable.
Watch the entire bizarre news story for yourself here:
Citations: Hibachi chef squirts 'pee pee boy' on woman, she claims sexual assault (Fox17 Nashville News), Woman Claims 'Sexual-Style Assault' By Restaurant's Pee-Pee Doll (Huffington Post), Woman she was assaulted by toy in hibachi restaurant (NBC4i), Couple claims sexual assault by toy at hibachi restaurant (Cleveland19 News)