I keep waiting for this Pokémon Go fad to be over. I wake up every morning thinking, "OK, today is the day. Today it will be over. People will be normal again."
But alas, it keeps going. Despite all of my hopes and dreams and prayers, it just. keeps. going.
I already told you about the people who managed to get laid via Pokémon Go and even the spike in Pokémon porn that came as a result of its increasing popularity.
But, Pokémon Go has found another way to join your ~intimate~ life, and this one is next level.
I know what you're thinking, "What level could possibly come after Pokémon porn? How could Pokémon Go work its way into my sex life any more than that? HOW?"
Well, first of all, chill out. It's just an article about Pokémon Go. BREATHE.
OK, now that you've calmed down, I'll tell you. Geeky Sex Toys has just released a Pokémon Go-inspired line of sex toys.
That's right, you read that correctly. You can now get off to sticking a Squirtle dildo inside of yourself. Or maybe, you're more into the pointed head of the Bulbasaur dildo.
Or maybe, it's the sleek build of Charmander that really does it for you. Whatever floats your boat.
The point is, whatever you're into, there's a Pokémon Go-themed sex toy for that.
Don't believe me? Look for yourself.
There's a Pikachu toy known as "Piky."
Piky is a "small, electric, anal-type Pokémon."
There's a Squirtle toy known as "Squirty."
Squirty, described as a "water pokémoan," has a smooth, round head and a large, grooved turtle shell on its back.
There's a Bulbasaur toy known as "Bulby."
According to the site, Bulby has a "large seed tip, making it a very pleasurable friend to have."
There's a Charmander toy known as "Charmy."
This might be the one to invest in, as the site boasts, "Charmy gives intense orgasms wherever it goes."
With the exception of Piky (priced at $50), all of the toys are priced at $69. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.