This Guy Told Us How He Ended Up Using Pokémon Go To Get Laid

by Candice Jalili

If you are anything like me, odds are, your social media feeds have all been pretty heavily influenced by Pokémon Go.

From statuses and tweets to countless articles, it seems to be all anyone can ever talk about lately. Or maybe, you're not like me, and your friends aren't giant nerds who are obsessed with some weird cyber reality anime game.

Personally, I don't get the whole Pokémon Go thing. My co-workers convinced me to download it on my phone yesterday, and after I sacrificed about four minutes of my life and 2 percent of my phone's battery trying to capture some mythical character with a digital ball, I decided this game was not for me.

Nevertheless, the obsession with it really does fascinate me. So yeah, I read the articles.

One in particular really stuck out to me. It was a Gizmodo piece entitled, "Pokémon Go Is Already Bigger Than Tinder."

"You have to be kidding me," I thought to myself. "People are using this weird, lame, nerdy iPhone game to get laid?" I mean, how could I not click on that?

And there, lo and behold, was a list of people tweeting about the sexual escapades they found themselves in, all as a result of Pokémon Go. My mind was literally exploding. I could not believe this madness. I needed to know more. And I needed to know more immediately.

So, I decided to do some investigative journalism of my own to get the dirty details on how, exactly, people were using Pokémon Go to get laid.

The first guy I reached out to was the mastermind behind this tweet featured in the Gizmodo piece:

just got laid by tellin my girl i had to go inside her to catch a #picachu in #Pokemon used her as a #pokeball for me eelektrik #pokemongo — DFS Moron (Swiss) (@DFSMoron) July 10, 2016

Like, seriously, HOW could I just read that and not want to know more from this guy? So, I decided to send him a direct message (I believe "sliding into his DMs" is what the kids are calling it these days) and ask him to tell me more about his story.

And you guys, HE RESPONDED TO ME and actually seemed like a very cool guy. His name is Matt, and he's from Miami.

Without further ado, here, in his own words, is how he used Pokémon Go to get laid:

I parked as close by a pokestop as I could before I walked to the bar and listened for girls talking about it. Hit it off with one and talked her into walking to the closest stop around before we split. Since my car was 'shockingly' right there, getting her to accept a ride home was easy. Freakiest chick I've been with. She joked about one being inside her and I should 'feel around' for it... haha. So far, this Poke-Me-Mon game is straight swiss!

So, there you have it, ladies and gents. A tried-and-true guide on how to use your nerdy game to help you actually get laid.

Oh, and this is just in: Matt messaged me again to let me know he's actually still seeing this girl, and she's "cool as hell." LOVE IS REAL.

Citations: Pokemon Go is Already Bigger Than Tinder (Gizmodo)