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Everyone's Going To Want The iPhone 7 In This New Color

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People get more excited about new iPhones coming out than the apostles were when Jesus was resurrected from the grave and ascended to #heaven.

And as the iPhone 7 approaches its long-awaited release (supposedly September), the rumor mill around the features of the new holy artifact has gone into 69th gear.

From rumors that the new phone will have no headphone jack, no home button or no corporeal form, people can't stop speculating on what the new iPhone won't have.

Thankfully, the newest rumor is about something it will have. Maybe. Which is — ominous drumroll — a new color.

As Apple Insider (who talks about iPhone rumors like the History channel talks about aliens) puts it,

According to Japanese website Mac Otakara, which has in the past provided accurate predictions, a Chinese supplier revealed Apple's "iPhone 7" series will be available in dark blue, silver, gold and rose gold options.

BLUE. BLUEPHONE. BLONE.

I can only imagine — considering their last branded deal where they conspired to force every American to delete U2's album off their phone — this new color is a cross-promotional deal with the Blue Man Group. That is the only reasonable explanation I can think of.

However, Apple Insider added that it's “highly likely” that the Space Gray iPhone will be discontinued.

Now, if you don't know what Space Gray is because you don't work for Apple Insider, it's this:

Apple

Of course, none of these colors actually matter, since we are all going to hide them under phone covers because, as we all know, iPhone screens are more fragile than I was in middle school.