YOU'RE BREATHING WRONG. YOU'RE SLEEPING WRONG. YOU'RE DRINKING WATER WRONG. YOU'RE LIVING WRONG. YOU'RE DYING WRONG.
The internet is flush with people telling you that what you're doing is wrong, inefficient or will GIVE YOU TORSO CANCER.
Apparently, everything gives you cancer.
For example, I've read that red wine will give you cancer. But I've also read that it will stop you from getting cancer.
But stopping yourself from getting cancer will, in turn, also give you cancer.
And here I am to tell you some more stuff that scientists have figured out, so that you can have one more thing to worry about.
A new study has made a revolutionary discovery.
You're going to want to lie down for this. Because you might get so bored by it, you will immediately fall asleep. You don't want to hit your head in the process.
The study has proclaimed that you should only drink water when you're thirsty.
OK, yes: That sounds obvious. And it is obvious.
But it's in conflict with the whole prevailing wisdom of drinking eight cups of water a day or you'll dry up like a raisin, gain weight, get cancer and get killed by wolves or whatever.
According to the extremely uncreatively named Medical News Today,
Contrary to recommendations and the so-called 8x8 rule, the new study suggests we should only drink when we are thirsty, after discovering a mechanism that makes drinking excess water challenging.
As Man Repeller points out, the study took a look at the brains of people drinking because they wanted to, and the brains of people drinking to follow the “eight cups a day” rule.
They discovered that the prefrontal cortex becomes very active – the word the scientists used was “overrides” – when you drink if you're not thirsty, and that doing so is actually bad for us.
As Michael Farrel, the head researcher in the study, succinctly puts it,
If we just do what our body demands us to we'll probably get it right. Just drink according to thirst, rather than an elaborate schedule.
So, yes. Now, studies show that drinking a lot of water is both good for you AND bad for you.
Go fuck yourself, science.