Only Drake Can Get Away With These 7 Drake Things
Finally (FINALLY!) Drake's new album came out this weekend.
Now that the long wait for "More Life" is over, something else begins: the sequence of thoughts that make us realize we really love Aubrey Graham... and really hate him at the same damn time.
The reasons why we love him are fairly obvious.
He makes fire music and he consistently produces hits (both of which are not exactly the same). Plus, women love him and he's genuinely funny.
As for the things we hate about Drake, though? Well, that list is a bit more vast and requires some thorough reviewing.
We'll take care of that right here (even if we ultimately let him get away with these faults).
Being so vain it's cringe-worthy.
I am convinced, Drake will never, ever rap about what you could consider "real shit." I'm talking about anything besides his cars, his money, girls or someone he's beefing with, it's just not happening.
This guy is so vain, he couldn't even comment on an unequivocally serious political event without turning attention to himself. (See: his farewell Instagram post to President Obama.)
That is a creepy level of vanity. But, it's Drake, so we let it rock.
The words "stay in your lane" mean nothing to Drake.
As long as he can talk about himself, he doesn't care in what language, dialect or accent he has to use.
This man has had a bar mitzvah, says things like "cock up yuh bumper, sit down pon it," collabed on songs you can dance bachata to and swears he's a "bruhv" from London.
We can't even list the amount of people Black Twitter has dragged for cultural appropriation, it's that long. Drake's get off though because, I mean, it's Drake.
Being a culture vulture outside of the music.
OK, it's one thing to have Rihanna hypnotize you into thinking you're a bad mon. That's a little understandable. But this Drake really loves shapeshifting wherever he goes; like, in real life.
The man does it so much that he made fun of himself for it on "Saturday Night Live."
Who does these things? Only Drake.
Falling in love with strippers.
Listen, I won't personally judge anyone for who they fall in love with. But before Drake came along, the idea of the industry's top rapper being famous for, among other things, sweetly serenading strippers was preposterous.
Rightly or wrongly, the game just didn't work like that.
And yeah here is Drake, composing lyrics like,
Until you find yourself, it's impossible to lose you, Uh... because I never had you, Although I would be glad to, I'd probably go and tattoo, Your name on my heart.
We only let him do that.
Being a fuckboy
There's never been a story that hops from so many seemingly serious relationships with other celebrities as quickly as Drake.
Just three months ago, we were making fun of him for writing to his diary in a Puerto Rican accent (which you know he totally does), RIGHT AFTER everyone got excited about him and Rihanna.
For him, that's just Drake being Drake. But let any other guy publicly confess their "love" for a girl than post pictures with another woman a short time later. You know exactly what we'd call that: a fuckboy.
Being a groupie.
If you're a regular guy who hangs on a celebrity's coattails, you're liable to get clowned. Yet, somehow, we let this superstar take being a groupie to never-before-seen-heights and get away with it.
Drake has so carelessly been a groupie that his groupie-ness as extend to college sports. That's right, your favorite rapper gets kids around kids who can't legally buy a drink.
When did we start allowing this? When Drake came on the scene.
Publicly embarrassing himself.
I've finally figured it out. You know what Drake's career is like? It's like the explanation for why Mr. Burns can't die on "The Simpsons."
In one episode, the doctor explains that there's so many diseases trying to get through the door to kill Mr. Burns that they all block each other from doing so.
That's exactly what Drake's career is like. He does so much shit that should probably kill his career that we don't even have time to list them all, so we eventually say "fuck it."
So it doesn't matter if he tries to kiss Rihanna on stage and she plays him.
Nor does it matter when he hijacks a college basketball pep rally and shows he can't play basketball for shit.
At the end of the day, it's Drake, and there's no missed shot that will mess up his game.