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The 7 Stages Of Connection You'll Experience If You Find Your Twin Flame

This kind of bond is extremely rare.

by Rosey Baker and Chelsea Jackson
Originally Published: 

You've heard of soul mates, for sure, but you probably haven't read much about what's referred to by many spiritualists as the twin flame. The difference between the two is you can have many different soul mates in life, but you only have one twin flame. Your twin flame is the person who simply understands you the most out of everyone you meet. There’s a mutual connection that’s almost instant — you don’t have to explain yourself, there’s already a sense of knowing; you just truly get each other. Your twin flame is a side of yourself that you may not fully be tapped into yet, but they come into your life to teach you things about yourself. There are important stages to this once-in-a-lifetime encounter, and gaining a full understanding of the twin flame stages can help you to understand how to navigate this magnetic relationship.

Your flame is someone who makes you feel like you're meeting a part of yourself that you have yet to discover, but somehow feels incredibly familiar. This person adds to your life in ways that no one else has before. They don’t complete you — because you’re complete all on your own — but they complement you in ways that support your personal growth. They meet you right where you are, and it just works. This kind of connection is extremely rare, but I firmly believe that everyone has a twin flame and may come across them at one point in their life. Knowing what to do when you come across a connection like this, however, is the tricky part. Since many of us aren’t familiar with our twin flames, you may not exactly know what to do once you find them, so here are the several stages of twin flame connections to bring you up to speed:

Stage 1: Preparation

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Rainer Maria Rilke writes in his book Letters To A Young Poet that love is "the work for which all other work is but preparation." In the first stage of connection for twin flames, both parties are going through their lives with a sense that the one they want to meet is out there, but they simply haven't met them yet.

You might feel as if you have more work to do on yourself before you are ready to meet your twin flame. It’s important to pursue a twin flame dynamic once you’ve established that you’re enough and whole all on your own, so you’re not seeking to be “completed” by anyone else. Your personal journey comes before all else, so don’t feel the need to urgently seek out another person. You might have more to learn before you're truly prepared to accept the powerful connection that is a twin flame relationship. This stage is, in essence, the work you have to do before the work of a twin flame relationship, which is an intimacy like no other.

Stage 2: First Meeting

In this stage, you’ll likely come in contact with your twin flame at some point. It could be a brief interaction or a reoccurring one, but either way, you’ll likely sense a strong chemistry with them from the start. Your intuition will likely give you a gentle nudge, and there will likely be a desire to pursue a relationship with them of some kind almost immediately. You may start to feel a bit of déjà vu, as if you’ve already met them before, or a general sense of safety. This is the moment that you both may be questioning why you feel so drawn to someone you’ve never actually met.

Stage 3: Falling For The Twin Flame

As you begin to build a relationship with this person, things will probably take off a little too fast — which is where boundaries should definitely come in. While you may feel like throwing yourself into a relationship with this person, it’s important not to lose your own identity in this connection. Taking your time and easing into the relationship is the way to go. Enjoy the getting acquainted process as much as you can, because things will only intensify from this stage forward. As you begin to spend more time with your twin flame, you’ll probably come to realize that the feelings you have for them are mutual, and there doesn’t have to be any explaining or difficult conversations. It’ll just feel right.

Stage 4: Intensifying The Bond

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As you begin to get more serious with your twin flame, things will definitely become pretty intense. This is a relationship like no other, and while some people would run for the hills if a relationship got too serious too soon, this will only deepen the connection you have with each other. Since your twin flame is like a mirror image of yourself, getting to know them will also feel as though you’re deepening your understanding of who you are. Since you’re already so comfortable with them, intensifying your relationship with your twin flame is something that won’t take long at all — but don’t let that scare you, it’s completely normal.

Stage 5: Setting Boundaries

This stage can have several outcomes, as each twin flame relationship is unique. Everyone responds differently to their loved one setting boundaries, and their reaction to your boundaries will either make or break the relationship. As I previously mentioned, sometimes you’re not always ready for a twin flame encounter — and the relationship is purely meant to teach you something. Other times, your twin flame respects and honors you as an individual and has boundaries of their own. It’s a little too easy to become so enamored with a person that you merge souls, but it’s important to still maintain your own lives outside of your relationship, which can be tricky. Having your twin flame around is like a dream come true, but it still requires to be handled with care.

Stage 6: Acceptance/Letting Go

The time spent apart from each other is actually a critical stage in the twin flame relationship. It requires you to reflect on your relationship with them, and about who you’ve become since welcoming them into your life. Relationships are oftentimes the biggest lessons in life, they hold up a mirror to your deepest fears and insecurities and ask that you deal with them. Sometimes you have to do the work alone, as painful as it can be. This doesn’t mean that your twin flame has to leave your life, but there may be times when you have to grow separately instead of together. Be sure to take the lessons you learned from them and use them to aid in your personal growth — that’s honestly what meeting your twin flame is all about.

Stage 7: Reunion

Since twin flames are about a soul connection, there's a chance that you might not reunite with your twin flame in this lifetime. However, if both twins are patient during their time apart, they can slowly build the qualities in themselves that need to grow in order to reunite. Acceptance, forgiveness, and a willingness to release control of the other can bring them together, but even apart, they can still benefit from the time they shared together. If they are so lucky to reunite in this lifetime, they will experience a union that few people can even comprehend — a union that can only be described as total oneness with their twin flame.

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