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A woman thinks of captions for Mercury retrograde to use on Instagram.

45 Captions For Mercury Retrograde, To Get Your 'Gram Through The Cosmic Chaos

“My horoscope said to stay in bed.”

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Brace yourself, because when Mercury goes into retrograde this fall, your whole world might feel like it's been flipped upside down – doomed to a serious of unfortunate flops. It’s not just you, it’s the universe, because six planets will be in retrograde this September. You may struggle to communicate with your best friends as if they were on another planet, lose one of your AirPods during a hike, or suffer a flat tire on your way to work. Whatever the issue, you can totally blame in on the retrograde. Life doesn't always go according to plan, and posting on social media is one of the few ways you can make it better by laughing at yourself and embracing the chaos. These Mercury retrograde captions for Instagram will send the message to your followers that the struggle is real.

You might crack your phone screen, miss your usual subway, or lose your driver’s license. Texts won't send, and you may even get into little arguments with your best friend. But, the galaxy can mind its own business when it comes to your 'Gram, because your feed will remain strong. You'll prep your posts, edit your pictures to the latest trends, and double-check for spelling errors in your captions, of course. One day, the stars will align again. Right now, though, it's up to you to work with the cosmic chaos.

You could blame all of your problems on the gatorade – I mean retrograde – or tap into your witchy powers to perform a protection spell on you and your besties. Sure, you may not affect an entire planet's orbit by any means. But you can use your magic to make your Mercurial days less stressful. This retrograde, use these clever Mercury retrograde Instagram captions to make light of the chaos on your feed, because there’s no use crying over spilled PSL.

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  1. "Hey Mercury, it's me. Can you not, right now?"
  2. "Mercury made me do it."
  3. "Sorry for the things I said when Mercury was in retrograde."
  4. "Wake me up when Mercury is no longer in retrograde."
  5. "Of course I feel too much, I'm a universe of exploding stars." — S. Ajna
  6. "Maybe we're getting it all wrong, and it's the stars who are wishing on us." — Erin Van Vuren
  7. "Please cancel my subscription to Mercury retrograde."
  8. "Until further notice, I'll be hiding from Mercury retrograde."
  9. "Off to find a galaxy where Mercury doesn't go into retrograde."
  10. "Gotta blast." Jimmy Neutron
  11. "Dear Mercury: It's you, not me."
  12. "Thou shalt not let weird energy penetrate the aura."
  13. "Namast'ay in bed."
  14. “Good vibes only, please."
  15. "It takes real planning to organize this kind of chaos." — Mel Odom
  16. "We were all lost somehow, but we didn't care. We had, in the chaos, found each other." — Atticus
  17. "It's all about finding the calm in the chaos." — Donna Karan
  18. "Chaos is a friend of mine." — Bob Dylan
  19. "Trying to embrace every moment of Mercury retrograde."
  20. "Mercury retrograde doesn't go with my outfit."
  21. "Nothing can stop me, not even Mercury retrograde."
  22. "It was her chaos that made her beautiful." — Atticus
  23. "Choose where your energy goes."
  24. "Be the energy you want to attract."
  25. "She had a galaxy in her eyes, a universe in her mind."
  26. "Pause, breathe, repair your universe, proceed."
  27. "Grow through what you go through."
  28. "Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." — Stephenie Meyer
  29. "Everything will be good soon, just hang in there, and don't worry too much about it."
  30. "So long, Mercury retrograde. See you never."
  31. “Is Mercury in gatorade or something?”
  32. “My horoscope said to stay in bed.”
  33. “Mercury has been in retrograde my whole life.”
  34. “Blame it on the retrograde.”
  35. “You can burn sage, and I'll cleanse the crystals.” – Lorde, “Mood Ring”
  36. “*Turns off my phone until the retrograde ends.*”
  37. “To be fair, your honor, Mercury was indeed in retrograde.”
  38. “Me: I’m not scared of retrograde this time. Mercury: LOL”
  39. “Don’t be nervous or afraid… but Mercury is entering retrograde.”
  40. “May your Mercury be more Freddie and less retrograde.”
  41. “Please save your questions and comments until the Mercury retrograde is over.”
  42. “Me and my witches are casting a protection spell.”
  43. “It’s not a flop era, it’s a retrograde.”
  44. “See you on the side of the retrograde.”
  45. “I survived the Mercury retrograde!”

When in doubt, curl up on your couch and wait for the universe to calm down. Soon enough, your world will feel at peace again, and the chaos above will fade into the Milky Way. It's truly wild how the planets can affect our moods, schedules, and ability to communicate. You might be feeling confused and frustrated with how things are going right now. But, as always, the galaxy has something good in store with every meaningful shift.

This may be the perfect time to channel your creativity, or take a break from your usual routine. Go out and have a photo shoot in your spare time, courtesy of Mercury retrograde, and don't forget to pick out the perfect caption, too.

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