When Is It OK To Date My Friend's Ex?
The unspoken rules of girl code imply that it's basically never OK to date your friend's ex, especially your best friend's former boyfriend.
However, just like with any rule, there are exceptions.
Whether or not you believe your situation is an exception, you should always talk to your friend before making any crucial decisions.
Unless you value your relationship with a guy more than your friendship, respect that your friend may not be thrilled you want to start dating her ex.
It's a touchy subject in many friendships, but on the one hand, dating your friend's ex might turn out to be no big deal at all. On the other hand, it may matter to your friend or even yourself, so tread carefully if that's the path you're choosing to take.
These are a few times when it's OK to date your best friend's ex (with her approval, obviously).
1. When Your Friend Is Truly Over Her Ex
If your friend is 100 percent over her past relationship, you just might get the green light from her.
Better yet, if she's in another relationship and is seriously in love, it's doubtful she'll care too much if you want to date her ex.
If this is the case, and your friend is still concerned, it's best to stay away from the ex. Her hesitation is for a good reason.
2. When Your Friendship Is Over Social Media
If you and your friend don't regularly talk face-to-face, your dating habits may not get in the way of this friendship.
Of course, there are exceptions to every guideline, but a purely online friendship shouldn't hold the same precedence as an in-person one.
According to Fran Greene, LCSWR and author of Dating Again with Courage and Confidence, the ex of a "pseudo friend" whom you connect with only on social media is totally fair game.
3. When You Really Care About This Person You Want To Date
Matchmaker/dating coach and relationship expert Julia Bekker tells Elite Daily,
The feelings and intensions should be real, otherwise it's just not worth it.
If you're looking for a hookup, your friend's ex is not the right place to look. He may be six feet of pure eye candy, but diving into the messy relationship of a casual hookup isn't a good idea for you, him, or your friend.
4. When You Have Your Friend's Permission
As obvious as it sounds, it's also super important.
Going after a friend's ex could very easily complicate your friendship. If your relationship with this friend really matters to you, it's best to stay away from exes altogether.
If you feel like your friend might be OK with it, have a talk. Respect her answer and value her feelings, even if they're not exactly what you want to hear.
5. When You Can All Hang Out As A Group
Anita Chlipala, relationship expert and author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple's Guide to Lasting Love, warns of the awkwardness that may come from dating a friend's ex.
Would all parties involved be comfortable in a group setting, or would it be too strange for your friend and her ex to even be in the same room together?
6. When Your Friend And Her Ex Weren't That Serious
According to matchmaking and dating expert Stef Safran, it's perfectly reasonable to reconnect and have interest in someone from your past, even if they dated a friend.
She reveals to Elite Daily,
High school and even college relationships may have been fun, but things may have never been anywhere near marriage.
If your friend and her ex weren't very serious, she may have no issue with you seeing her former beau.
7. When Your Friend Ended Their Relationship
According to LCSWR Fran Greene, if your friend is the "breaker-upper," you'll likely get the go-ahead to date the guy she broke up with.
By ending the relationship, your friend knew that her and her ex were not on the same page and wouldn't be compatible in the future. That totally doesn't mean you'll never be compatible with him.
Go ahead and take your own chances (with your bestie's permission, of course).