All Black Everything: 24 Reasons Wednesday Addams Is Your Spirit Animal
Wednesday Addams has been an iconic figure since, well, as long as we can remember.
Her pale complexion and dark features create such a juxtaposition -- we can't draw our eyes away from it.
She embodies everything we wish we could stand for: hating everyone and meaning it, setting fires to buildings and establishments we can't stand and basically not giving in to any sort of authority.
Wednesday Addams has long been referred to as people's spirit animals, and today I'm going to confirm every belief you've had about it.
So how do you know if you're essentially a carbon copy of our favorite pessimist?
1. You have no patience for idiots
Some people have tolerance, and well, you, have no f*cking patience. I mean who the hell has time in their busy day to deal with this type of nonsense?
These people deserve no pity, and they certainly aren't going to get it from you.
2. Your entire closet is a beautiful array of black
Why buy clothing in any other color? Nothing looks as good as it does in black.
3. You just f*cking hate everyone
Every little thing people do annoys you: the way they look at you, the way they chew their food -- even the way they breathe.
If they could just, not, your world would be a much better place.
4. You rejoice in other people's misfortunes
Does this make you an assh*le? Probably. Do you care? Absolutely not.
5. You're content being miserable
You're happy and at peace in your pessimism and aren't sure why people try and change your mindset so frequently.
If only they devoted this amount of time to their own issues -- their lives would be that much better.
6. You own who you are
You are who you are, and you don't give a sh*t about what anybody thinks. If they don't like the way you live your life, you aren't paying any attention to them.
7. There is no silver lining; it's only black
While some may look at the glass as half-full and whatever other metaphors and analogies they use to get through their days, that cockamamy bullsh*t isn't something you dwell on.
8. You detest the sun and any form of natural sunlight
Why people voluntarily choose to be outside is beyond you. You douse yourself in sunscreen any chance you get -- basically SPF 50 is your body lotion.
9. Because bitchy resting face is your go-to look
Whoever said bitchy resting face wasn't a good thing was seriously delusional.
There's nothing more valuable than being able to ward off idiots with a single glare.
10. Because it's not #NoNewFriends; it's no friends at all
Who doesn't love spending some significant amount of time alone?!
11. You hated summer camp
In your mind, spending every day with other kids your age is actually a form of torture. Why people consider this a luxury is beyond you.
12. You make others really uncomfortable
Your greatest past time is making people vividly uncomfortable. Is there nothing better than forcing others to crawl in their skin? I think not.
13. ...And intrigue them at the same time
Why people are vastly intrigued by your allure makes no sense to you. In fact, it happens to work against you...
14. The more you try to repel people, the more they try to win you over
This is actually the biggest issue you face on a day-to-day basis.
15. You rebel against authority every chance you get
If there's an opportunity to f*ck with authority, you know you're taking it.
It doesn't matter how little or small the instance is; you're seizing it.
16. You don't get mad; you get even
You've been told two wrongs don't make a right; you've been told an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind -- too bad you couldn't give less of a sh*t. If someone screws you over, you know you're getting him or her back twice as bad.
17. You come from a long line of fabulous freaks
If people met your parents, they would know exactly where the F you came from. And despite what they may have thought prior, it's not hell.
18. The only people you are loyal to is your family
And this is exactly what you say to people who claim you have no soul.
19. You always stick out in a crowd
Hell f*cking yeah you do. Sure this can be a good thing or a bad thing, but regardless, you own it and react accordingly.
20. You always get what you want
You are a go-getter, and once you set your mind on something, there is absolutely no standing in your way.
21. People admire you but are also terrified of you
And you wouldn't have it any other way.
22. You never went through a teeny-bopper phase
Your past is filled with a dark and twisted phase, which just created the amazing person you are today.
23. You're a total maneater when you date
For some reason, your unemotional demeanor attracts men. Too bad it's exactly the thing that destroys them.
24. You. Actually. Just. Don't. Care.
While many other people are trying to put on a blasé, don't-care attitude, it just comes naturally to you, and it requires absolutely no effort.
For more of her thoughts, humor and ridiculous opinions follow Ashley Fern on Instagram and Twitter.