9 Questions You And Your Partner Need To Ask Yourselves Before Having Kids
Believe it or not, my fiancé and I have already had the "kids" talk.
Mainly, it's because we want to be prepared for when we try to conceive after our wedding (and only a little because we see a baby and melt for the rest of the afternoon).
Having the baby talk was simple.
It didn't feel weird or out of place. We basically told each other, "You're absolutely going to be the person I start a family with."
We looked at each other and oozed with excitement at the concept of tiny little feet running down the hallways on Christmas morning. The decision to have kids is a major one, though, and neither one of you should take it lightly.
Here are nine questions you and your partner should ask yourselves before you start having popping out babies:
1. What faith will they be raised in?
For my fiancé, religion isn't all that important. And although I'm not the kind of girl who finds herself in church every Sunday, it's important to me for our children to be brought up in the same faith I was.
If you're in a relationship where faith is important to both parties, it's vital to openly discuss how you can incorporate both value sets in your child's life.
2. How would either of you be different from your parents?
My fiancé and I both had awesome childhoods. Each of our families are golden.
We still openly discuss what we would do differently when we become parents. Whether this is delegating more chores, being able to talk openly about sex or a "no dating until she's 33 years old" rule, the first step in understanding how you'd raise your children is taking a look at what you feel didn't benefit you as a child.
3. Would you support the tough decisions?
Sometimes, the best thing for somebody is tough love.
Are you both going to be able to stand strong when your child needs to face consequences for their actions? Are you going to stand behind one another when you're navigating what to do next?
Having a firm, unified grip on punishments and lessons to teach your children will make the job easier down the line.
4. Is where they go to school important to you?
If you had a Catholic education, why is it vital your child has one too? If you're in favor of public school, why do you prefer it?
Taking education into account is a major part of having children, as your decisions will probably have a lasting effect on who they grow up to be.
Also, your choices affect other aspects of your life as well, including your finances and your location in relation to school districts.
5. How will you talk about sex with them?
The "sex talk" can be a pretty tricky topic, so you'll want to make sure you and your partner are on the same page.
Are you going to be comfortable talking about it? Who will take primary responsibility for it? What do you think is too much information at certain ages?
6. How will you divide your finances?
Will you keep things separate or go for a joint account?
It's important to determine which method will better equip you to pay for doctor appointments, medicine, school supplies, daycare, baby clothes, diapers, food and tuition.
You both might need to be comfortable cutting out some luxuries from your lives to make things work. Will doing so be a problem for you?
7. Would you pick up a second job, if needed?
As wonderful as children are, they do bring with them an insane amount of added costs. If you and your partner want to have kids, but you don't exactly have overflowing incomes, then picking up a second job might be a necessity.
Will you end up resenting that? Would the added hours still be conducive to parenting? Another solution might be to wait to have kids until you can find a higher paying job.
8. Do you want to stay at home or go to work?
If you want to stay at home, can you survive on just one person's salary?
It's important to determine early how important your careers are to the both of you. If neither of you want to give up your work, you'll need to be OK with spending a little less time with your children.
9. How many kids do you want?
This is probably the most important question.
I want four, and my fiancé wants two, so we'll probably just compromise at three, and hope for twins. (They do technically run in my family!)