F*ck It: 4 Ways To Stop Pleasing Other People And Start Pleasing Yourself
The instant you start bending over backward to please someone else is the very moment you lose all credibility.
Whether this is romantic, professional or just a friendship, stroking another person's ego in hopes of acceptance, love and/or personal gain is an epic failure because it implies there is a missing link in the constant pleaser or pushover.
Why do you try so hard? The need to constantly please for acceptance is a void from the past you need to fix immediately. Otherwise, you will be a doormat in all types of relationships.
The missing link is a void deeply rooted in lies from the past. Every past has the ability to create the deepest concerns, fears, love and/or lack thereof.
If you just open your eyes to the curious child within, life is amazing. We can get physically cut open, and the body knows just how to heal itself. We get cut open emotionally, and we have the ability to do the same with our minds, but from past conditioning, some rewiring may need reconfiguration.
Our brains can do the same as our bodies if we choose to wire our thoughts correctly. If you want to heal, then congratulations, you are half way there. However, maybe you find yourself feeling belittled by being a walking doormat. If that’s the case, time for some replenishing from within.
Chuck the people-pleasing habits with these two words: F*ck it.
Whether you are kissing ass for a promotion or subconsciously trying to win over Mrs. or Mr. Perfect, you are already setting yourself up with the “needy” label to which nobody in his or her right mind is attracted.
Get off the “I care" wagon and repeat these two words in the morning and night: F*ck it.
Find your own awesome.
If you are searching to please, you haven’t found the only one who can fulfill and change your life for the better: you. Love is not about possession; it is just an expression.
Always remember, love is a verb; it is an action. That’s why so many people claim to have fallen out of love. They didn’t physically fall from anything, but one or both of them just stopped doing everything one does to express love.
So, dear singles, find your perfect self-expression through your passions, and there you go; you are in love!
Don’t get caught up in the future; get caught up in the now.
Sometimes, we choose to please others in hopes of getting something in return. That return is in the future, either immediate or further down the road. If it’s a job promotion and you are kissing ass, you are not focusing on the job and details at hand. Rather, you are focusing on the future. A good boss will see right through you.
Do your best in each moment for yourself, for your own growth, for your own experience and knowledge. This goes for friendships and lovers, too. Don't jump ahead into the illusion of the future because if you do, you miss the magical moments of the now.
Life is very beautiful and rich when you are in the moment. All the details for the future are here in the now, so pay close attention to the present.
Get over yourself.
The tendency to constantly please in retrospect is the tendency to want to receive. Yes, you are so nice for doing that, but what do you want?
If you say nothing, then your subconscious mind is doing a damn good job of hiding the motives. By all means, continue doing nice things for people, but be transparent with yourself and with your motives.
If your kindness is just a constant effort to receive, then karma will eventually bring you to a bittersweet dead end. However, practice makes perfect, and experimenting in hopes of getting to know yourself a little deeper is always wise.
If you believe you do not give to receive, then make a conscious effort to give to someone who can't give back, since there is no potential ego stroking in this case.
Start testing your own transparency and grow a bigger and better heart. This way, there will be nothing to see through beyond a rock solid heart of gold. Your credibility in life is the ability to be the authentic and gifted you.
Constantly aiming to please others for your own fulfillment promotes a false sense of self-worthiness. So, f*ck it. Find your own awesome, be fulfilled in the moment, be transparent and give when nothing can be reciprocated.