Aspartame No More: 16 Things That Happen When You Quit Drinking Diet Coke

by Gigi Engle

Diet Coke is a beautiful, delicious, destructive and poisonous beverage that plagues many across this great nation with its crippling addictive properties that stream directly from its thirst-quenching bubbliness.

It infects your everyday life, making itself the key focus of every major decision you make.

It can dictate where you eat based on the beverage selection at restaurants, where you shop based on the beverages the store supplies and whom you date based on his or her diet habits.

Diet Coke is the best and worst thing that can happen to a person.

There comes a time in every (well, most) Diet Coke addicts' lives when we realize it’s time to put down the suds and pick up the H2O, when we realize it isn’t worth compromising our health for a soda.

The most difficult part is coming to this state of acceptance -- so long is the road of denial and aggressive defense.

But once you come to terms with the fact you need to quit your Diet Coke habit once and for all, you’ll begin on a journey to a better, healthier and happier you. Not to say the road to freedom is anything but littered with obstacles. If it were so easy to quit, wouldn’t we all just choose the clean life?

Here are 16 things that happen when you quit drinking Diet Coke:

1. You think everything is going to be fine.

You don’t need Diet Coke. This sh*t doesn’t have control over your life.

You’re going to live a happy, healthy existence like a Zen Buddha goddess. You got this.

2. You have cravings, but you ignore them.

What’s a craving? You’re not having a craving. A Diet Coke does sound refreshing, though, doesn’t it? SHUT UP, BRAIN!

3. You’re miserable, but you’re less bloated.

You feel less bloated. In fact, you actually had no idea you were as trim as you are now.

All that water weight made a much larger difference than you expected. So long, sodium!

4. You resent any person who orders a Diet Coke at lunch.

It’s like he or she is just doing it to piss you off. You sit there with your stupid iced tea feeling very bitter and annoyed.

5. You don’t understand how people function without caffeine.

Giving up Diet Coke is giving up caffeine. For the addict, Diet Coke is as vital to his or her existence as coffee.

You suddenly can barely keep your eyes open throughout the day.

6. You realize how much you depended on caffeine, and that freaks you out.

How has anyone ever done this?!

7. You get pissed when someone suggests replacing it with something else.

Why? So I can live a life that is never quite as good? F*ck yourself.

8. You’re annoyed when you need to buy a water bottle at lunch.

At least when you were drinking Diet Coke you were spending your money on something that actually tasted good.

Now you’re stuck with a crummy H2O and no bubbles or caramel coloring to show for that $1.50 you spent.

9. You hand out copious death stares to anyone who mentions Diet Coke to you.

It’s like every single person feels the need to say, “Oh, where’s your Diet Coke today? LOL.”

If you say one more word to me, I’m going to shove a Diet Coke can up your ass. K. Thanks. Bye!

10. You notice your nails are so much stronger.

There’s no more calcium being seeped from your bones! Manicures are no longer a treat for other girls. You can join the tribe.

11. Your hair is so much thicker and shinier.

Wow, Diet Coke really is full of f*cked up chemicals. How can a drink literally affect your hair?

12. You’re motivated to get into a good workout routine.

There’s something about making one aspect of your life healthy that makes you want to get healthy through and through.

Suddenly, you’re hitting the gym, getting a ClassPass and looking as good as you feel.

13. You have moments of weakness.

There are times when you nearly cave. Especially if your friends or family are also a bunch of Diet Coke drinkers.

You see them standing there, drinking their Diet Cokes, and you feel a deep sadness.

They judge you. They want you to join them.

14. You have Diet Coke dreams.

You feel almost nostalgic for Diet Coke. You find yourself sipping on one in your dreams only to awaken to feeling very guilty.

15. You remember how far you’ve come.

Once the caffeine headaches and cravings finally subside, you feel a great sense of accomplishment.

You’ve really kicked a terrible habit, and you can feel proud you had the self-control and willpower to stick with your plan and be Diet Coke free.

16. Diet Coke will always have a special place in your heart.

For however bad Diet Coke was for your body, it was a part of your life for so long.

It was your constant companion through breakups, hardships, late-night study sessions and hangovers.

While you know it was for the best that the two of you split ways, Diet Coke will always live on fondly in your memory.