3 Ways To Make Amends With A Friend Who Won't Forgive You
I don’t wanna spend another day pointing fingers while I'm placing blame. I'm no angel, imperfect myself 'cause baby, I am only human. And I don’t wanna put it all on you, I admit I did some painful things, it's true. And I'm sorry for them, no making amends, for always thinking I was innocent.
— "Forgiveness" by Leona Lewis
It’s different when it’s your fault.
You lost your friend because of something you said or did.
Forgiveness is given, but things just aren’t the same. Your efforts to move forward remind you of what this person meant to your life.
People enter your life with no title or proper place. They just enter.
When they settle after some time, they become immovable people in your heart. They are statues, in a sense.
If you're honest, you count on their consistent availability to restore your confidence in love and affection in friendship.
You desire to be surrounded by people who love what you love and embrace culture and life as you do.
Breaking their hearts in any way is always a reflective experience.
Malice was never the intention.
It was just a moment of selfish gain or lack of wisdom that caused the pain and damage.
We spoke too soon, too much or too little to protect the statue of our friendship.
We try to apologize, make it right and lessen the damage. But, it’s done.
As time passes, we ponder the predicament. You haven’t heard from your ex-friend, but you miss him or her dearly.
Do you call or withdraw? Sometimes, the only choice you have is to leave with a lesson.
They call it "consequences," right?
I have learned many lessons about forgiving and forgetting.
Many people choose to stand in the rubble of being pissed off and bitter, while their former friend or mate builds a bridge of forgiveness.
You don’t have to become this person.
Here are the ways to avoid being a bitter, tainted and emotionally withdrawn human:
1. Acknowledge how much of a screwup you are.
When we think back upon our laundry list of faults and imperfections, it becomes hard to not forgive.
This is not only because we have skeletons and dinosaur bones of secret mishaps in our closets, but because we realize how hard it is to get it right 24/7.
I've disappointed many people in my life, and I've been given second as well as 10th chances.
Think about your mistakes. It will minimize how grand someone else’s may be.
2. Get a grip on the issue.
Stay present with the real issue.
Why are you so frustrated and mad?
Speak with clarity, and give some insight to the grievance you have with the person.
Shooting at 10 targets is not the goal. Hit one target on the bullseye with your words, so both parties can move forward without a reality TV-style battle.
Stick to the topic as best as you can.
3. Confront in love, and move on with a smile.
I remember being ignorant to the power my words possessed.
Often, I found myself saying things that electrified my tongue, but they also electrocuted someone else’s heart.
Mistakes were made early in my life.
I believed the sharper the tongue, the more I could slice the truth into the hearts of the people who had wronged me.
As I matured, I realized calm words open doors and mend hearts.
Speak to whomever you have beef with in such a way that the person can receive everything you have to say.
Remember: If it is a friend or family member, your desire isn’t to make a life-long enemy. Hopefully, you just want to restore the peace.
Forgiving is not about a victory for anyone. It’s about letting go of the anger that is holding up your life (and possibly someone else’s).
That’s next-level emotions right there.
You have to start telling yourself a new story about yourself. Speak the transparent truth about your feelings so you can move forward.
Your family and community need you to be on your A game, not stuck on something in the past.
You have the power of choice. That’s a gift.
Use it for construction, not destruction.