Posture: the way you physically present yourself to others; the fight against natural gravitational force that encourages you to just hit the ground and curl into a ball.
You either have great posture or it's f*cking awful, there's rarely a middle ground -- if you fall into the latter category, congratulations, you and I are one of a kind.
Maintaining a good posture isn't something that comes easy or naturally, it's a constant battle and thought in the back of your mind.
If it were easy, I'm sure everyone would have great posture, but thanks to tits and inadequate desk arrangements, we spend at least half of our days hunched over.
You would think maintaing an upright position would be more comfortable on your body, but for some reason, we never seem to live our lives that way.
Sitting and standing upright are struggles and here are all the reasons why:
1. People assume you're 3 inches shorter than you actually are
"Oh, you're 5'7"? I thought you were 5'4'!"
This is a replica of a conversation you have had at least 15 times in your life. No one believes you when it comes to your height, and it's all because you can't prop your shoulders upright. Seem fair? Not at all. Which brings us to...
2. You have basically just given up and tell people you're shorter than your real height
No one believes you anyway, so what's the point of trying to convince anyone otherwise? All you are doing is drawing attention to the fact that you have awful posture.
3. Sadly, you look like Mr. Burns on a daily basis
Your posture may suck, your back may hurt, but at least you aren't also bald... unless you are, then you're SOL.
4. Your parents and relatives are constantly screaming at you
What's worse at dinner: awful posture or elbows on the table? Can you trade one in for the other? Or are both a no-no?
Literally, will there ever be a time parents aren't on your back about something?
5. Every time an old woman walks by you, you're reminded of the future
It's a miserable reminder every time an elderly person crosses your path because you know that one day in the future it'll be you.
6. You have attempted yoga to rectify this problem, but it's always short-lived
You took the plunge, you spent the money, you bought a mat and picked the "perfect" studio -- too bad you've only made it to the studio a handful of times. This definitely sounded better in your head...
7. Your neck cracks every single time you try to snap it
Is there ever a time your neck is not stiff? Sadly, it doesn't matter how many times you try and fix this problem, it never goes away.
8. You shell out far too much money on massages
It's a damn shame insurance does not cover every and all types of massages. You actually carve out a significant portion of your budget in order to account for this necessity.
9. Just standing up physically pains you
People don't always understand your pain; in fact, they think it's a self-induced problem. Hey, maybe it is, but that doesn't mean the pain you experience isn't real.
10. You're oddly self-conscious in meetings
Do you look like you're forcing comfort? Should you sit? Or stand? Unfortunately, any and every time you enter a meeting, thoughts like this flood through your mind. Maybe things will get easier once you make it to CEO.
11. You really connect with Quasimodo
Some people may love Disney princesses, but your heart belongs to The Hunchback of Notre-Dame.
12. Wearing a backpack is the only way you can guarantee you'll stand up straight
At least this gives you a solid reason to keep buying new backpacks!
13. Whenever you do try to have good posture, everyone makes a comment
"Oh wow, check out that posture."
"Who knew you could actually sit up that straight?"
Dealing with an aching back is difficult enough, but listening to other people's comments can be even worse.
14. Working over a computer has only exacerbated this problem
It's 2015, how is there not a viable solution for this problem?! Taller desks? Better chairs? No more cubicles?
15. Leaning isn't a drug, it's a way of life
You have spent your entire life on a slant. Sure, it may not be the way most "normal" people carry themselves, but who's even normal these days?
16. When people say "seize the day," you're already hugging it
I guess you're ahead of the crowd on this one?
17. You know what people's shoes look like before their faces
Well, that's pretty awkward...
18. You can only blame your boobs for so long
Sorry men, this is only an excuse the ladies can pull. Well, that is unless you are rocking some sort of man boob situation, which should be addressed much more quickly than your dwindling posture.
19. You're basically just one step back on the evolutionary chart
Hate to break it to you, but the manner in which you carry yourself is all the "scientific proof" the world needs that man evolved from apes.
