Brides don't screw around when it comes to picking out the perfect dress. It's crucial that it fits just right too.
When it comes to "shedding for the wedding," brides will do whatever it takes to lose those last few (or 20) pounds. They want to look back at those pictures years later and reminisce about how thin beautiful they looked on their wedding day.
Of course, the brides that go to extreme measures to fit into their dresses (that they purposefully bought two sizes too small) probably hope to forget the process of losing weight forever.
Here's the thing about fad or crash dieting -- it's really bad for you and the results literally never last. Sure, you can do one of these crash diets once a month to make the results last, but you'd be doing way more harm than good.
Even though I'm not engaged or getting married anytime soon, I'm pretty fascinated by how far women will go to look (what they think of as) absolutely perfect for their wedding. So I hit up a few wedding forums to find the craziest diets some brides have tried. Here are the three most insane diets I found.
The hCG diet
Dieting for a wedding is all about cutting calories. One of the many ways that brides cut a major amount of calories is by doing this insane hormone diet.
The hCG diet consists of taking hormones and only eating 500 calories a day. The foods brides can eat on this diet are extremely limited. Those who do it experience crankiness, depression and fatigue while injecting themselves or taking pills with the hCG hormone.
What's so special about this hormone? Well, the hCG hormone is produced in the female body during pregnancy to feed the fetus. The hormone causes the body to release fat that would normally be stored into the bloodstream.
So for women who take hCG and aren't pregnant, it works the same way except that there's no fetus to feed. The combination of this hormone and a low-calorie diet results in rapid weight loss.
This is a really unsafe and expensive way to shed pounds in a short amount of time. Apparently women can lose a half a pound to one pound a day on this diet and normally end up losing 20 to 30 pounds total.
Seriously, though? I don't understand how anyone would want to put themselves through 21 days of misery for the one day they get married.
The K-E diet
If you thought the hCG diet worked quickly, the K-E diet can help brides lose up to 15 pounds in 10 days.
Brides on this diet get a feeding tube that goes through the nose and into the stomach. They carry around a little pouch of sustenance that's basically fat and protein mixed with water for 10 days. Brides have to be confident enough to walk around with the feeding tube in public because people might ask about it. It's pretty noticeable.
The 15 pounds come right off when you're not physically eating anything at all. The feeding tube allows the protein mixture to be slowly dripped into your stomach at all times. So you're not starving yourself, but you're not really in control over what goes into your body either.
Sounds fine, right? No, actually it's not. Just like the hCG diet, brides will feel fatigue. The weight won't stay off since eventually brides have to go back to eating normally. Some of the side effects of the K-E diet are bad breath and constipation, but who cares about those things when you can fit into a size two dress on your wedding day?
The only time people should worry about colon cleansing is right before a colonoscopy or other medical procedure -- not a wedding.
Brides will opt for colon cleansing because people have claimed to lose up to 20 pounds, but when I say lose, I mean poop. People literally just poop the weight out. It's kind of gross, but apparently effective.
During the cleanse, people normally have up to six bowel movements a day. I'm not sure how brides can run around planning their weddings when nature calls that many times.
According to those who have done colon cleanses, they can tell their skin looks better and their energy has increased. But that's probably because while on the cleanse, you can't have sugar or processed foods.
The normal way of doing a colon cleanse is to consume laxatives in various forms or to get colon hydrotherapy, which is basically a procedure where water gets blasted up your butt to clean everything out. No thanks.
Some really fun side effects from colon cleansing are dehydration and infection. Is it worth it for just one day of wearing a dress that will literally never get worn again? Probably not.
None of these diets are safe or effective ways to healthily lose weight.
We might as well just add crash dieting to the ever-growing list of reasons why I strongly dislike weddings in general. Seriously, the pressure that comes with appearing to have the perfect wedding is soul-crushingly insane to me. Wearing a size two dress on your wedding day will not make it more special.
They're just the extreme measures brides have gone through to fit in a dress for one day. It makes no sense to me. If people want to lose weight, they should plan months in advance and do it the healthy way. It's not sexy, but lasting weight loss always begins with increased exercise and smarter food choices.
The long-term benefits of natural weight loss are more rewarding than any temporary slenderness that comes with a ton of negative side effects and potentially permanent damage.
No matter how desperate brides are to lose weight, let's hope they do their homework and never have to resort to these crazy fad diets before the big day.