In general, I think weddings are a waste of money.
The idea of dropping around $26,000 for 24 hours of celebration makes me cringe. And that's just the financial cost. Of course, there's also the added stress of picking the perfect venue, the right entertainment and food everyone will like. Don't forget the potential saga-like drama of deciding who to invite. Oh, and let's not overlook the emotional cost of finding the perfect dress. There's a reason why reality TV shows are dedicated to the wedding planning process -- because it's batshit crazy.
I guess for people with lots of money to play with, a little bit of stress is worth having lavish, newsworthy weddings that are the equivalent to the cost of hundreds of American college educations.
What some people can (and will) spend on weddings is mind-fuckingly insane. It baffles me because that money could be better spent literally on anything else.
Here are some of the most ridiculously expensive weddings you've ever seen. For some, it might be inspiring. For others, depressing. At the end of the day, it's all insane.
1. Unless you marry rich, and I mean Royal rich or Kardashian rich, you're probably not going to have a fucking $78,000 cake like this wedding.
That's exactly how much this cake at Kate and William's Royal wedding cost. Obviously, if you're royalty, your wedding is going to be monstrously expensive -- $64 million to be exact. This cake had a team of 50 people working on it and took five weeks to make.
It's just a cake. And honestly, if I got a piece of it I would have saved it because it would probably be worth thousands of dollars.
Forget the cake, though. $78,000 is more than double what the average wedding alone costs in America.
2. This Russian wedding cost $1 million. The bride wore $200,000 in Tiffany jewelry and the wedding even had a title, "From Russia With Love."
I wonder if anyone had an allergic reaction to the sheer amount of flowers that were basically wallpaper at this wedding. And what the hell do you do with that much jewelry after this whole shebang? You can't exactly wear 200,000 dollars worth of jewelry in regular life, can you? And where do you have left to go after a two million dollar wedding? Literally nothing can top having Maroon 5 perform as your wedding band.
Oh wait, something can top that...
3. This wedding in Russia was reportedly $1 billion and topped itself by hosting a private Beyonce and Elton John concert in London the following weekend.
If I had $1 billion, I have no idea what I'd do with it, but what I wouldn't do is waste it on one day of festivities. I feel like once a wedding is that expensive, it's no longer a wedding, but just a show.
When I say show, I mean that J-Lo, Sting and Enrique Inglesias performed at this wedding. So basically, these people got married at a concert. I guess that's just how weddings go when your dad is a Russian oligarch.
J-Lo is a popular choice for expensive weddings these days.
4. This Chinese singer and actress, also known as "the Kim Kardashian Of China," had a wedding that cost $31 million.
This wedding probably looked really cheap to that other couple who spent a billion.
Over 2,000 people attended this wedding. I don't think I could name 2,000 individual people if I tried. Wondering where that $31 million went? Well, a good chunk of it went to a freaking holographic castle and cell phones for all the guests. Over 2,000 cell phones were given out as party favors. The ring alone cost $1.5 million. Crazy.
5. And then there's the real Kim Kardashian, who had two extremely expensive weddings because one wasn't enough.
Let's not forget her first wedding, which cost $10 million for only 72 days. That's $137,818.39 a day. I'm not sure what these people think -- the more money invested in a wedding, the longer the marriage? That's just not how relationships work. Apparently E! helped out since they broadcast it live.
Of course, Kim K stepped it up on her second wedding to Kanye, which cost around $12 million. She wore a custom-made Givenchy Haute Couture dress, which I don't even know what you do with after such an event. Throw it out? Sell it? Put it in a museum? Save it for her next marriage? Apparently the dress was so special, it had its own hotel room. Yup. A freaking dress has stayed in a nicer hotel room than you.
The most ridiculous expense, to me, was $478,000... for a table. OK, so it was a bespoke Calacatta Vaticano marble table -- whatever that means -- but come on. A table? You can see a list of all the expenses for Kimye's wedding here. At least they got Lana Del Ray to perform at their rehearsal for free.
Call me a party pooper, but I don't think any of this lavish bullshit is special, and it's just not practical.
It irks me that people would selfishly spend this much money on a one-day event (and let's be real, with today's divorce rate, it truly is a waste) instead of putting that money elsewhere -- you know, like maybe helping people less fortunate than themselves?
I can get on board with people celebrating the day they officially start their lives together, but why at these costs? It makes me think these big weddings are just one big dick measuring contest, but for like, brides and their families.