How To Confront, Break Up Or Ask Someone Out Over Texts Without Being Petty

by Nikhita Mahtani

I get it: Face-to-face conversations are HARD.

I'm a chronic texter myself, mainly because I really prefer to get straight to the point, rather than have a long-winded conversation before I even come close to saying what's on my mind.

As Millennials, we're all constantly on our phones anyway. Several studies show we're texting more and talking less, and we've been dubbed the "digital generation."

Texting makes life so much easier in a number of ways, from giving us the time to think about what we're going to say to allowing us the opportunities to have conversations even while commuting or on the subway.

So, it shouldn't come as a surprise that more and more people would rather text than have face-to-face conversations, even when those conversations are a bit... difficult.

In fact, ESPECIALLY when those conversations are a bit difficult.

So, if you'd way rather text than talk, I give you full permission to do so, no matter whether you're breaking up with someone, asking someone out or confronting someone.

You won't seem petty, as long as you're following the tips below:

1. Confronting Someone

I honestly think this is the best time to text someone, especially since screams and shouts really won't get you anywhere. In fact, confronting someone in person will just escalate the situation in ways that'll make future interactions super difficult.

To confront someone the proper way via text is tough though, because sarcasm and other passive-aggressive statements can completely lose their meaning and be misconstrued without the right tone accompanying them.

This is why your best tactic to have a confrontation via text is just by being bold and direct. If someone did something to upset you, say it.

Mention what exactly happened, how it made you feel and why. For example,

I felt very belittled when you made the joke about me in front of all our friends at dinner on Thursday night.

This will help you put your feelings out in the open, without leaving them up to interpretation.

2. Asking Someone Out

Asking out someone you barely know over the phone or in person can be SUPER awkward.

I'd always recommend doing it via text, and thanks to all those dating apps out there, asking someone out via text isn't really a new phenomenon.

So, you kinda have to learn to stand out.

Don't hit him or her up with that random, "Let's hang out sometime." I mean, seriously: Could you be any more vague?

When you ask someone out via text, make sure you have a clear date, time and idea in mind.

DO NOT – under any circumstances – use lame, cheesy pick-up lines. But you can use what you know about the person to garner interest.

Suggest a movie the person might want to see, find a common interest and run with it – for example, if you both like art, suggest an exhibit to go to together – or mention something you might like to try yourself, like bowling.

EVEN if you just suggest meeting up at a bar, make it SPECIFIC: Do you like a certain drink there you want to introduce your date to? Do you think your date will like the place, for whatever reason?

It's nice to feel like the person is interested in YOU as a human being, as opposed to just looking at you as an option. So, make sure your text makes that clear; it'll make you stand out from the rest.

3. Breaking Up With Someone

I know, I know: Tell someone you're breaking up via text, and you're automatically dubbed an asshole. But honestly, if you're terrible at dealing with your feelings (like I am), then you'll realize why breaking up via text is actually a blessing in disguise.

For one, there's no way for the conversation to escalate, or for someone to convince you to get back together. You can get your point across, and the person never has to see you cry.

Also, breaking up via text also stings the blow for the other person, as you won't leave him or her sobbing at some restaurant while you try awkwardly to GTFO.

Harrison Bach

But as with all sensitive topics, you CANNOT be vague about this.

Mention how much fun you had while the relationship was happening, and explicitly say why you think it isn't working anymore. Don't leave any room for begging or bargaining, as you don't want to start a text fight.

Instead, just mention how your feelings have changed. Don't talk about being friends (yet, anyway), and apologize for doing it via text -- "I didn't have the heart to do it in person" works in this case.

It may seem blunt, but it's way better than a two-hour conversation that's so clouded by emotions, it won't lead anywhere.

And honestly, screw the people who judge you: Having this conversation via text is WAY better than all that ghosting going on these days.