If you’re anything like me, your survival depends on being hooked up to your headphones. They pump rhythmic-charged mojo into your veins, taming your heart to beat in harmony with your... beats.
It’s as if the Pied Piper is luring you through life with his sweet melodies and soft, blissful tunes, acting as the soundtrack of your life.
You listen to it on the train, you listen to it at work, and you might as well go home if you forgot to bring it to the gym.
It’s your motivation when you face an obstacle, and it’s your therapy when you have a bad day. You wouldn’t have arisen from bed without it.
In fact, you’re listening to music as you read this, aren’t you? You’re so accustomed to it that you can actually read and listen to music at the same time. Perhaps you can’t even read without it.
I’m listening to music right now, too. In case you’re wondering, “Ain’t It Fun” by Paramore is playfully pumping through my speakers as I write this. Wouldn’t it be fun if I included the song I’m listening to with each one of my points? Please feel free to add these songs to your playlist.
Let’s start right from the moment you wake up:
1. Traditional alarm clocks give you anxiety
You’ve prescribed yourself heavy doses of music to get out of bed. Not just any music, though.
It’s important that this playlist is filled with jams that are motivational and upbeat in nature and will endure the test of time despite the negative association with waking up. Not an easy assortment of confections to assemble, to say the least.
One of my favorite ways to start the day off right is with “What A Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong. This sublime tune reminds anyone listening of everything to be thankful for in this world.
It will gently lift you out of bed with its heavenly tone and send you on your way with a genuine smile.
2. You have a fear of showering… in silence
The loneliness of the shower is either remedied by a lover or music. However, only music can groove to your exact schedule, so it will always be there for you.
Plus, when you sing in the shower, music backs you up, rather than looks at you like you’ve just desecrated a piece of music history.
My go-to bathtub song is the cover of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” by Israel Kamakawiwoʻole. There’s no better way to splish and splash your way to cleanliness.
When it finishes, I cast aside my toy boats and emerge from the tub like Poseidon, ready to face the day.
3. The public thinks you’re antisocial on your morning commute to work
Who are you kidding? The public thinks you’re antisocial all of the damn time. You’re buried in your headphones, seemingly unaware to your surroundings. Maybe you are hiding; maybe you are enhancing. It doesn’t matter, though, because it feels so right.
For me, “Greyhound” by Swedish House Mafia is the obvious choice to complement the hustle and bustle while supercharging me for the long workday ahead.
It somehow convinces me I’m winning, even when I’m sitting on the train, trying to avoid eye contact with everyone in sight.
4. If your job doesn’t allow music, management thinks you have Irritable Bowel Syndrome
It’s gotten to the point where you have to use the cover of frequent bathroom visits to get your fix of music throughout the day.
It’s inhumane to force humans to put in full workdays without the aid of music. We need songs, like the one I’m listening to now called “Welcome to the Machine” by Pink Floyd.
This synth-heavy masterpiece criticizes the music industry as only being concerned with money, which might be relatable to the current establishment that occupies 40 hours per week of your time.
5. It’s the only motivation you need at the gym
The pre-workout powder that everyone else is on just isn’t for you. The only thing you need is your music.
When I play “I Can’t Stop” by Flux Pavilion on repeat, I find myself unable to stop running on the treadmill.
6. You can’t fall asleep without it
Like the blankie Mom eventually had to hide to save your dignity, you cling to music at night. It’s the perfect segue between your world and the land of dreams.
A single dose of Mt. Eden’s “Beautiful Lies” usually puts me down before my head hits the pillow.
7. You don’t fear death because you know your funeral song
You may not have picked out your wedding song just yet because you believe this is a mutual decision that must be made by yourself and the lucky dog who steals your heart.
That said, you certainly have your funeral song picked out. I’m listening to mine right now. It’s titled “All Of My Love” by Led Zeppelin, a hauntingly beautiful piece, which conveys a mighty farewell.
8. It’s your antidepressant
You’re so into your music that you bless the traffic because it keeps you within range of the radio station playing your song. As long as there is music in your life, the rest doesn't matter.
It has helped you through your fair share of defeats and broken hearts, and whatever sh*tstorm life throws at you next, you know turning up the volume will help drown it away.
I’ve been blessed with an abundance of songs that offer comfort when I need it most, but nothing does it quite like “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley.
9. It gets you in the mood
Oh music, you get us feeling damn good. One of the best things about making love to a song is the smile it brings to your face every time you hear the song afterward.
My lovemaking song also happens to be my favorite song of all time. It’s called “Since I’ve Been Loving You” by Led Zeppelin. It’s so f*cking powerful I feel like I’m making love every time I hear it, even when I’m entirely alone.
It might sound silly, but I’ve never actually made love to it because I’m saving it for the woman I marry (lord knows I can’t give her my actual virginity).
10. You'd choose hell if heaven doesn’t have music
But, seriously, I heard heaven doesn’t even get WiFi reception. As the song “Here Comes The Night Time” by Arcade Fire so eloquently put it, “If there’s no music up in heaven, then what’s it for?”