Anne Thériault, Canadian writer and expert tweeter, was in a coffee shop one day, just minding her own business, when she sat next to the most cringe-worthy first date ever witnessed by any man or woman or God.
For the sake of posterity, she decided to live-tweet it. It's like reading a manual on how to make someone allergic to your presence.
The man on this date is the sort of insufferable guy who thinks that because he managed the stupendous task of writing three sentences in a row without spelling errors, he is the reincarnation of Jack Kerouac.
If he means that he is a wino who still lives with his mom, then he's right. Anything else and he's more full of sh*t than Shaq's gold toilet after a midnight trip to Long John Silver's.
If this guy hasn't purchased a fedora at some point in his life, I'll eat a live snake.
Different how? Like he has a lot of socks? Please explain.
Who are these people and are they actually stuffed animals?
Very subtle technique, sir.
I hope the demons win this wrestling match.
If a guy you know ever critiques the "body" of the coffee he is drinking, you should just go ahead and start critiquing his actual body.
You don't have a buddy. That's just your mom's boyfriend.
Is this chef's last name "Boyardee" by any chance?
All we can do is pray this guy's fear of having children stays strong and he never passes on his faulty DNA.
"Mild" is an understatement.
Begin evasive maneuvers.
No, your mom just wants to communicate with you as little as possible.
Title possibility: "Why I'm cool and deserve to see more boobies."