Guy Ends Up In Slowest Chase Ever After Interrupting Tortoise Sex (Video)

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OK, imagine you're peacefully mating with a super hot tortoise.

She has this, you know, super sexy, hard-but-not-too-hard shell, and you're just about to have a tortoise orgasm and spark the miracle of life within her, when some pink-skinned piece of garbage mammal gets in your face with a camera.

Well, that's exactly what went down one day during a National Geographic expedition. And it led to the most hilariously slow chase scene in history.

My favorite part about this video is just how 'roided-out and tough the tortoise looks while chasing this dude down.

For something that moves as slow as a baby crawls, this thing is more intimidating than The Rock on PCP.

I guess what I'm saying here is: I can really see what the other tortoise saw in him.