'I'm Asking For A Friend': 46 Questions You Would Never Ask For Yourself

by Ashley Fern

There are certain questions you'd rather not have people know you were asking for the risk of sounding dumb one way or another.

Unfortunately, if we don't ask, we never get the answers we're looking for, which is why we tell people we are asking for our friends. Better to make them look stupid, right? Yes, exactly.

But everyone really knows we aren't asking for a friend, we're just trying to cover up our own embarrassment. Sure, whoever we're asking is just entertaining us and is more than well aware what we are actually doing, but playing dumb can get you pretty far in life.

Is this why Google was actually invented? Because I ask that thing more questions than anyone I've ever met.

So what are the types of questions you are just asking for a friend? They look a little something like this:

1. How many days late can you be before you start to worry?

2. Which aisle are the pregnancy tests in?

3. What's HPV?

4. Can guys get it?

5. They sell Plan B over the counter now, right?

...Asking for a friend.

6. Does this guy on OKCupid look safe?

7. Does swiping right on every guy on Tinder make me a slut?

8. Is joining JDate giving up?

9. Is he single?

...Asking for a friend.

10. What's ISIS?

11. Who wrote "Pride & Prejudice"?

12. Where is Syria?

13. Who's Ferguson?

...Asking for a friend.

14. Should I stuff my face or exercise today?

15. Does this dress make me look fat?

16. Are you having that last slice of cake?

17. Does Chipotle deliver?

...Asking for a friend.

18. How many oceans are there?

19. What about planets?

20. Will Pluto ever make a comeback?

21. For how long after Labor Day can I actually wear white?

...Asking for a friend.

22. Is there going to be an open bar?

23. If I don't see anyone I know tonight, can I wear this outfit again tomorrow?

24. Is it socially acceptable to flash a bouncer for free entry?

25. Did I make out with anyone last night?

...Asking for a friend.

26. When will this hangover go away? (Actually I'm asking for myself...)

27. How much Advil can I take before risking an overdose?

28. Do you really need to finish the entire prescription?

29. If no one sees me eat this Egg McMuffin, does it really count?

...Asking for a friend.

30. What's a 401K?

31. Do you really need one of those?

32. How do you really create a sustainable budget?

33. What does that even mean?

...Asking for a friend.

34. How many days can I go without showering?

35. But what if my hair isn't greasy?

36. And I didn't sweat?

37. Do people really shower every day?

...Asking for a friend.

38. If I lie on the couch for the entire weekend, will I mold into it?

39. Does the NSA know how much Netflix I'm watching?

40. If I #latergram on Instagram, will people actually think I went out?

41. If I spent my Saturday evening yelling, "Shut the f*ck up" out the window... Did anyone really have a better night than I did?

...Asking for a friend.

42. If I throw out all the delivery bags, can I tell people I actually cooked?

43. If there's no evidence, it doesn't count, right?

44. Is it sad or commendable I'm on a first-name basis with the delivery man?

45. If it's Sunday and I'm still wearing my shirt from Friday, does that make me really gross?

...Asking for a friend.

46. If you're from Africa, why are you white?

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It