The holidays are here, meaning that once again you will have to socialize with boring people. I'm talking about your coworkers, or, even more likely, your extended family.
Now, if you are reading this and thinking to yourself, "I love hanging out with my family! They're fun! We have a great time! They make me feel safe and seen!," well, I'm very happy for you... but also I don't understand you, and please KEEP YOUR JOY TO YOURSELF.
And, yes, my mom sometimes reads my articles. So she might see this.
Hi, Mom. Sorry, you are boring sometimes.
[Whisper] Just kidding, Mom, I'm making this all up to entertain the masses. It's my job. You want me to have a job, right? I know I should've been a banker, I know that, but I'm not a banker. I don't care about cousin Carl's new Miyata (the king of cars) – look, not everyone can be like Carl!
Anyway, in the event you will be around your boring family, the internet has a game that will make them more fun.
It's called Poop the Potato, and it involves eating a bunch of potatoes and then watching your grandfather poop them out as you sing carols and ask him for money.
Just kidding. That's not how you play it.
(See, Mom, I make great jokes like that and Elite Daily gives me money in exchange. All cousin Carl does is work for a non-profit that helps at-risk youth apply for college.)
OK, the real rules are as follows: It's basically flip cup, but instead of flipping cups, you put a potato between your thighs, waddle to a trash can and deposit it – an action that makes it look like you are pooping the potato.
The team that poops the potatoes fastest wins. Honestly, this looks like so much fun.
Although, at the end of this you've pretty much wasted like 10 potatoes.
Now, I'd like you all to imagine what a family that is struggling to feed itself in a third world country must feel when they see video of a suburban, white American family literally pretending to shit out food into the trash.
Merry holidays! See you soon, Mom! Get the potatoes ready.